Broken Shards of Yesterday
by SeleneSoulwar
Summary: Nature's rules were written for a reason. And the consequences of breaking them, even for love, sets off a chain of events not even an alchemist prodigy nor a Homonculus can escape. Envy x Ed. Rated for yaoi, gore and language.
1. Dare You To Scream

_(EDIT) Fixed the description, it should flow much more neater now, hopefully._

_**A.N. –**__ Hello. Long-time FullMetal-Alchemist lover here venturing on the daunting task of writing her first fic in the alchemist universe. I suppose I will have Selvanic's absolutely amazing fictions to blame for that. C:_

_Previously dedicated to Kismetti on dA, this story was a oneshot of both our ideas that accumulated and grew into a completely different (and much longer) story._

_It will contain adult themes at various points, so please, if it's not your cup of tea, click the back button._

_I really do hope you will enjoy this story. C: _

_-_

_**Disclaimer:**__ Characters don't belong to me. FullMetal Alchemist belongs to Hiromu Arakawa. _

_**Lyrics:**__ Dare You To Scream - Cauterize_

_**Pairing:**__ Envy x Ed_

_**Warning:**__ References to yaoi/shonen ai (love between men), heavy gore, violence, language. _

-

* * *

Part 1 – 'Dare You to Scream'

Alchemy.

The laws of breaking down a substance and remoulding it. The impossible combination of science, art and sorcery.

If alchemy is possible, anything previously deemed impossible should be labelled as difficult – but achievable.

_Alchemists._

Scientist. Explorers. Heroes of the common people.

_Homunculi._

Artificially created humans. Shattered hopes. Committers of possibly the greatest sin.

Two opposite sides of the coin, as far as they can possibly be.

A gap, perhaps intended never to be breached.

A distance too great to cross – at least, without your hopeful hand getting snapped in half, devoured by hellish flames and burnt into bloody ash.

However, it has always been in human nature to be curious.

And emotions – especially passionate ones that bond souls together, have known to be rather ignorant of common sense.

Wind howled outside the shadowed, building, slowly disintegrating the crumbling brick base into fine fragments. The skeletal arms of tree branches whipped the scratched glass, smearing thin lines on the dust-caked surface.

The house was dark and empty, what some might label as haunted.

The interior was just as gloomy as its half-demolished outside. Silence was only broken by the continuous dripping of water, blackened by grime and neglect, from the rotten ceiling.

A soft snicker was heard from the corner.

Leaning against the cracked walls, a pair of violet eyes flickered lazily open, half hidden by thick, trench-green locks. His casual stance stiffened for a minute as he stretched, his milky white skin illuminated for a second by the stray moonlight oozing from the cracked glass.

Pale fingers reached to smooth down the small amount of clothing he wore. Bare feet made their way across the room, soundless like a prowling panther.

His shoulder brushed past a battered calendar, nailed to the doorpost. His eyes narrowed for a split second before his figure disappeared down the rickety stairs.

Circled in red ink on the stained paper was a double-digit number.

February 3rd.

And right next to it, in cobalt blue ink, was a rough doodle of a gravestone.

_Pour another drink for me  
I like it better when I'm numb_

The constant conversation drilled into his faintly resisting eardrums as he leaned forwards, resting his head on his bare arms. The stale smell of cheap tobacco and alcohol washed over his delicate senses. He had long grown used it.

He tapped his nails on the stained counter, eyes flashing impatiently. When the chipped glass was set on the counter, the green-haired male threw it back immediately, gulping down the amber liquid with the ease of one drinking water.

Slamming the empty glass down, he pushed it towards the bartender.

"Another."

She raised an eyebrow, raising the plastic pitcher from under the counter. Wordlessly, she refilled his cup, knowing better then to make a comment.

After that one particular night, after they managed to free the manager and the unfortunate rookie bartender from under the broken pool table after hours of struggle, they all knew better then to ask questions from the androgynous guest.

A slight smirk appeared at the corner of Envy's mouth when he saw the young brunette nervously nibble on her lip. A chuckle slipped past his lips as he recalled the night where he had wrecked havoc and destroyed half the bar in the process.

It really was quite wonderful to hear all those people scream and run for cover when he hurled the chairs and tables in that fool's direction with ease.

Ah, the sweet, sweet terror.

Reaching for the glass, his miniscule smile died. Throwing the second shot down as quickly as the fist one, he mentally welcomed the slight burn of the alcohol on his throat.

He pushed the glass back and watched the girl fill it again, eyes distant.

He needed it.

Otherwise, he wouldn't be able to get through this fucked night and carry out the mission.

He needed to numb his senses right down to primitive instinct, where no conscious thought was present.

He glared into the fuzzy depths of his glass before swallowing it in one move.

…_I hate you…_

_  
Something's gotta give  
These conversations make me dumb_

"According to numerous but fruitless investigations in Central, our experts have concluded that this case is quite-"

The young blonde's head fell forward, to be snatched up seconds later. Lifting up his folder, he used it as a screen to hide his enormous yawn that threatened to swallow the room.

Edward Elric, the alchemy prodigy, the youngest one to ever achieve the title of State Alchemist at a ripe young age, bordering from childhood to puberty, was bored out of his skull.

Resting his head on a gloved hand, he stared at the talking officer at the end of the long table, resisting the extreme temptation not to yawn straight into the pompous bastard's self-obsessed face.

His half-lidded amber eyes, weighed down by sleep and sheer boredom, travelled to the far side of the room. Above the ruler-straight haircut of the speaking officer, he could make out the brief outline of the oak tree outside the main building. The branches danced wildly in what seemed like rough wind, the leaves torn away long ago.

_It's going to be cold tonight…_ he mused, tapping his free hand on his notes aimlessly. He glanced down at the paper provided, noting with slight guilt that it was perfectly empty – save for a couple of drawings of Mustang being humiliated by Hawkeye, Al waving from a bed and a little scribble that looked like a retarded pineapple.

The blonde smiled a bit as he regarded the latter before reaching for the pen and scribbling it out further. The last thing he wanted was someone to recognize who he was trying to draw…

"Any questions?" Ed blinked at the sudden silence, just to see the officer sitting down at last, and Mustang rising.

"If not, that concludes this meeting. Everyone's dismissed."

With a thankful sigh, Ed swept up his papers carelessly and bolted for the door.

Thank the Lord.

Any more dry Alchemy and politics talk and he would go insane.

Whistling under his breath, he smiled when he reached into the pockets of his crimson cloak, fingering the small crumpled piece of paper he found on his windowsill that morning, tied to the handle with a familiar-looking hair-tie a certain someone always managed to rip from the end of the blonde's ponytail every time they met.

_Hey chibi-chan_

_If you're not too caught up with your official crap (you damn better not be), then get your cute ass down to the park._

_I trust you know which – unless your incredible memory suddenly failed you, I think you will know which one._

_ E._

Chuckling to himself, Ed quickly reached up to re-braid his loose hair. He was looking forward to seeing the other again – it was just what he needed at the end of this bitch of a day.

At the other side of the town, Envy leaned against a lamppost, hands shoved in the pockets of his short skirt. The wind whipped his long hair around his face mercilessly as he stared into the darkness, frowning.

He swallowed when he heard hurried footsteps and the outline of the short young man drew closer from the darkness.

He forced on a neutral look as the other stepped up to join him.

"You're late, chibi-chan." He said quietly.

"Meeting dragged out…" the other waved, smoothing his cloak down with a shrug. "Mustang wouldn't shut his mouth."

The other chuckled, despite his mood and reached to flick the other's forehead gently.

"And here I was, all cold and worried, thinking you'll ditch me."

"You never get cold." The other raised an eyebrow, rubbing his forehead with a small frown. "And if you did, you could always shift more clothes on…"

"I don't like changing them." The other protested, hugging his torso.

"Would it kill you to wear something less revealing and more appropriate, Envy?" the blonde teased, poking the other's bare stomach.

"You wound me, chibi-chan." Envy replied, pulling a face of mock hurt.

Ed laughed and leaned against the other's taller form.

"I'm sorry. And you know I like you just the way you are."

The homunculus tensed at the other's closeness for a moment, looking the other way, his hold on his skinny body tightening.

The blonde alchemist frowned at the other's uncharacteristic move. By now, the other would have not only pinned him against the lamppost and 'said hello' in their usual passionate fashion, but he would be grinning to no end with that sadistic little smirk of his.

Hell…he hasn't even remarked on how shorter he was since the last time they've met…

He cocked his head and looked up at the taller male, his profile hidden in the shadows. The crackling street-lamp gave the other's skin a sulphur-like tint, the line of his mouth somehow sharper, the shadows around his eyes deeper.

"Envy?" he said softly, snaking an arm around the other's thin waist. "You okay?"

…_no, Ed. I'm not…in fact; I've never, ever been as fucked as I am now…_

The other looked down at him, suddenly smirking.

"Awh, so concerned, chibi-chan?" he teased, voice tainted with maliciousness and a slight murderous tint that made the hairs on the back of Ed's neck stand up.

He hadn't heard that voice since the Fifth Laboratory…

When he last attempted to kill Edward.

Frowning, he searched the other's face. "Envy. You feeling okay?" he repeated softly. "You're acting…really weird."

A hand sneaked under the other's chin, lifting his head up so their eyes met.

_  
You look so good when you're scared  
It turns me on when you fear for your life_

"Never better, Edo-kun…" the homunculus purred, curling the finger under the blonde's chin. "Never better."

Ed instinctively grabbed Envy's wrist, taken aback by the other's eyes.

Raw, fiery and swirling with a whirlpool of emotions.

He thought he saw a flash of sincere regret and deep pain before the green-haired boy blinked and chuckled again, deep voice velvety and full of malice.

Suddenly, Ed felt the other grab his wrists and push him backwards. Stumbling and trying not loose his balance, the other gasped when his back hit a brick wall hard. Panting and grunting at the sudden dull pain, he glared up at Envy, mouth open to complain.

However, his words died instantly when he heard the other's low laugh.

The blood slowly started to freeze in his veins when he saw the look on the other's face.

Bloodthirsty. Vicious.

Psychopathic.

A mirror of their very first encounter.

Ed shook his head, not understanding the sudden shift in his lover's attitude. Eyes wide, he struggled against his grip, only to bite his lip to muffle a cry of pain as he felt Envy's nails dig in his skin.

"The fuck?!" he managed to stutter, glaring at the sin. In response, he only got another low laugh, making his throat clench as the homunculus leant close to him.

"Did I ever tell you…" he murmured, breath tickling his cheeks, "…how I absolutely love that look on your pretty face?" He released Ed's left hand to grab both wrists with one hand and pin them beside the alchemist. With his free hand, he traced a finger up to the alchemist's neck.

"W-what look?" Ed gasped, biting his lip.

"This look." He mused, pressing a nail down on the slowly panicking vein on the side, grinning with satisfaction as the blonde's breathing quickened.

"Yes. That look. The look of utter terror…it's been so long since I've seen it on you…" he murmured, leaning in to trace the now wildly beating vein with his teeth.

The canines slowly sank in the other's flesh, only nicking the skin slightly, missing the vital point by millimetres.

Amber eyes widened further, and Ed couldn't swallow his terrified gasp, fingers curling tightly. He started shaking a bit, trying to get away from the other.__

I couldn't love you any better  
You turned me into a killer

His mind sufficiently clouded by alcohol and the forced acceptance of the order actually welcomed the long-lost emotion on the younger boy's face.

Stirring up his natural sadism, sharpened by his sleazy state, the beast inside slowly opened its ruby-red eyes, baring its fangs hungrily at the smell of fear.

The anticipation of blood.

He chuckled against the other's skin, retreating back; licking the crimson liquid oozing down Ed's heaving skin. He swallowed before meeting the other's panicking and confused eyes.

_  
And I'm sorry but you're all out of luck tonight  
Baby your time is up_

"Envy, what are you doing?" Ed rasped out, shaking in the homunculus' grasp.

"No more playing around, chibi-chan." He whispered in his ear, pushing his nail in the wound, widening the bite, earning a small cry of pain from Ed.

He grinned, pushing the tip of his fingers deeper in the widened wound, watching with fascination as warm blood poured out of the wound, marking a striking and beautiful contrast against his pale skin. His grin grew with every inch his finger sunk in the other's tender flesh.

"Envy, stop!" Ed gasped, face contorted. He managed to shake one hand free and he pushed against the other's chest furiously.

Not moving an inch, the homunculus chuckled. Withdrawing his hand, he suddenly drew the blonde forwards. Bloody fingers closed around his wrist again, and the alchemist cried out when his body hit the other's.

Trying to squirm out of the other's grasp, Ed's movements halted when he felt Envy's hand slip around his waist. Bony fingers tangled in his hair, nails ghosting over the thin skin at the back of his neck.

The other's expression had somehow softened down to blank. With robotic movements, he continued to run a hand through the other's hair, smearing the blonde locks with the boy's own blood.

"…Envy…?" a small voice breathed, laced with suppressed terror.

_I'm sorry, Ed…_

His sole response was a sole grunt.

_I'm so, so, so sorry…_

"It ends tonight."

"…wh-what?"

"Tonight. It ends. Your luck. Your career. Your dream…your life."

_  
Something's got a hold of me, _

_Doesn't want you to breathe  
_

Frowning, Ed pushed the other further back so he could search his face.

"What the fuck are you going on about?" he demanded. "Don't tell me you made me come out here all the way in the damn storm so you can go all Doomsday on me…"

When the other didn't reply, Ed hooked a finger under his chin, gently but persistently forcing the other to look at him.

"Envy!" he said, voice forceful and somehow demanding. "What the hell is up with you?"

Another gust of wind sent the other's hair flying wildly. Through the dark green curtain, one narrowed eye flashed before a hand suddenly shot out and closed tight around the alchemist's neck.

Ed's eyes widened, his hands letting go of the other and flying to his neck in attempt to pry the other off. He cried out when the other's fist tightened.

It's not like he hasn't tried strangling him before. Even at this stage of their relationship, the Homunculus often tried to snap the other's neck when he said something out of his short range of liking.

However, he was always careful with the pressure, only squeezing hard enough to make the other loose his breath and be left with a temporary dull ache that the blonde alchemist never failed to complain about – only to be laughed at have it massaged away by the same fingers that caused them in the first place.

But the iron fist slowly crushing his windpipe held no playfulness – no control.

_Stand over you and watch you bleed. _

_I'll be the last thing you see  
_

Seconds ticked past, and Edward tried his best to struggle out of the other's grasp, his lungs crying out for oxygen. His gloved fingers clawed at the pale, bony fist keeping him prisoner, without any achievement.

Desperation drove him to lash out at the other's face, tensing when he felt his auto mail break the other's skin.

He drew his hand back just as the other drew his own hand back, sparks running down his arm.

The familiar cling of metal and screech of alchemic transmutation echoed in the other's ear without any meaning. Amber eyes, foggy and desperate for oxygen, bore into the cold amethyst eyes of the other.

A flash of regret and horror.

A clink of adjusting metal, sliding over each other and clicking into place with lethal precision.

A whistle through the air.

A realization that came all too late.

Just the moment the thought flashed in his brain, Envy's transmuted hand slammed forward, burying the steel blade hilt-deep into the other's stomach.

Thunder clapped above them, just as a blood-curling scream of pain cut through the thick of the night.

Dark crimson liquid splattered down on the pavement, just as the sky above them crackled.

Shaking, Ed managed to choke out a disbelieving gasp before slumping forward, grunting sharply as he impaled himself further on the blade.

Envy blinked, his own hand shaking. He took a step forward, hastily releasing Ed's neck. The alchemist coughed feverishly, trying to suck the moist air in his slowly collapsing lungs, shuddering violently as every movement sent pain coursing through his body.

The Homunculus watched him in silence before suddenly withdrawing the blade, wrenching it out of the smaller boy's abdomen with a sickening squelch, causing more blood to gush from the wound, staining his black clothes.

Wordlessly, the smaller male dropped on his knees with a cry, auto mail arm shooting out to block the shock the best as he could, the metal screeching as the rough pavement collided with its surface.

Slowly and monotonously transmuting his hand back into flesh and bone, Envy stepped closer. He watched the other's heaving back, the intricate black symbol moving with every shaky and painful breath the other took.

The Homunculus watched him, not even stirring or noticing the droplets that began to fall from the sky in turmoil.

_Go ahead I dare you to scream  
No one can hear but me_

Blood ran down his chin and small teeth gnawed on the flesh, desperate not to let any sign of the excruciating pain coursing through his body show. His face sickly pale, he wrenched with nausea, hand desperately gripping his wounded stomach.

Another wave of pain washed over him. He bit down harder, eyes tightly shut.

A wry, dry chuckle came from above him. A foot pushed on his sides, making him loose his balance and crash on his side unceremoniously.

"Why are you holding it back, chibi-chan?" he murmured, tone slightly malicious as he crouched down next to him. A hand stroked the other's quivering back, fingers teasing the ripped fabric, just to the left of his spine, where the blade pierced through his back. His fingers came away coated with the blonde's blood.

A suppressed whimper escaped the hunched figure, Ed nearly biting all the way through his lip. Warm liquid seeping down his chin, the excruciating pain pulsing through his veins like some poisonous gas, determined to tear him apart piece by piece, molecule by molecule.

Envy moved his hand down to cup the other's cheek, almost teasingly, thumb brushing against his quivering, bruised lips.

"Go on. Scream." He said, half-commanding, half whispering. "Swallow your pride, chibi-chan, and just scream…no-one will hear you. No one, but me."

_  
Pleading won't get you anywhere,  
When I decided not to care  
_

The other shook his head, swallowing a mouthful of blood and despair before shakily daring to take another breath, flinching when he dislodged his teeth from his bloodied, torn lips.

"E…." he panted, his words lost in the thunder before he tried again.

"Envy…why?" he murmured, looking up at the other, his widened eyes a turmoiled sea of confusion, betrayal and pain.

The other blinked, brushing his thumb over the blonde's cheeks, smearing the blood from his lips over his face. Raindrops fell continuously from his long, dark fringe, now plastered over his back by the rain.

The green-haired male didn't reply, his face blank.

"Why?" Ed asked again, voice shaking with suppressed emotion. "Why did you-?"

"Hush." The other's hard voice cut his sentence halfway through, nail digging in his cheek, making him whimper involuntarily.

_  
Don't waste another breath on me  
Your gonna need every one_

The blonde opened his mouth again, making the other smile inwardly.

Always disobeying orders, always going against the rules. He couldn't even listen when it would spare him pain.

Then again…if the blonde was different…

They wouldn't be in this situation right now.

This incredibly fucked situation…where things were now forever beyond repair.

Before the blonde could force his quivering voice to form out the dreaded one-worded question, Envy pressed his thumb back over the other's lips.

"Save your breath, chibi-chan." he growled softly, surprised at the roughness of his own voice.

"B…b…" the smaller alchemist protested, blood slipping down his chin with every syllable.

Envy's spare hand reached down to grab the torn and bloodied fabric on the alchemist's lower back, lifting him to the side slightly. The small movements caused the blonde to yelp out in pain, screwing his eyes shut tightly, fists clenched.

_  
Don't waste your time with this  
Your dying moment's almost done  
_

Tearing the bloody crimson coat further, Envy inspected the damage, trying to ignore the slight nausea stirring at his stomach

What was not covered by the flimsy fabric was drenched in the alchemist's blood. Torn tissue clung to the exposed flesh, the ivory surface of the other's rib glinting in the low light, tainted with crimson.

As Lust would have so sophisticatedly stated:

_It wasn't a pretty sight. _

Lip curling up at his inner morbid and blunt humour, Envy's inspecting hand stopped short when he heard the strangled groan of agony from the boy.

The beast raging inside him told him to end it. To snap the little runt's neck with one swift kick and leave him, lying on the pavement, in a pool of his own dirty blood.

One glance up the moon, distorted by the curtain of rain, told him it was close to midnight. He really didn't have much tome to waste.

And the order has been clear – _kill the Fullmetal Alchemist, and report back._

_Fail the mission and I will tear you apart piece by piece, sew you together and kill him myself. _

The narrowed eyes studied the other's heaving side once more. His hand rose and rested on his throat, causing Ed to stiffen once more, eyes widening in fear and disbelief.

However, the hand didn't tighten around the other's bruised windpipe. The cold fingers simply caressed the irritated skin.

The blonde flinched from the green-haired male's touch, unable to stop his terror from seeping through his tough pretence, weakened considerably by the shock and the wound. He hissed again, feeling life drain out of him with every drop of blood seeping onto the cold pavement.

_There is no time for last words  
Your life should be flashing right about now  
_

Snarling at his inner monster to silence him and the command to crush the delicate bones under his fingers, Envy continued to caress the other's neck. He shook his head, mouth twitching when he felt the other's pulse race under his touch.

Seeing the blonde swallow and grit his teeth, a frown crossed his features again.

"I said, hush." he snapped before the blonde could speak. "Don't talk, you're just going to cause yourself more pain…and we both know how your pain endurance is pathetically low, chibi-chan…"

Embarrassment flashed through the alchemist's face before it contorted in pain. Nevertheless, he gave the other a glare and croaked out his question again.

With a slightly irritated sigh, Envy pressed his fingers against the other's lips, forcefully pushing his jaw together.

"Sorry, Edo-kun. You don't get to make any famous last speech." He sneered, voice once again mocking. "When they write about you in the book of famous alchemists, the only words you'll have there will be the adjectives describing your pathetic, inhumane screams…"

A scowl passed through Ed's features, his grip tightening around his torso. Narrowed amber eyes, struggling to blink the cloudiness that descended over his eyes.

He blinked again, and the image cleared to – he frowned again.

The images weren't of the street, drenched in rain, and the crouching male faded into fuzzy images of a small town, bathed in sunlight.

The river running through the cobbled stone bridge sparkled in the brilliant white light, long blades of grass swaying in the wind.

A small group ran across the little field, a girl and two boys, chasing each other, their voices loud and carefree.

The girl with cornflower eyes and blonde locks ran forward to tackle the shortest boy with the loudest mouth, knocking them both on the ground. The remaining boy shrieked with delight and jumped on the top of the pile.

"WINRYGETOFFME!"

"Edwaaaaaaaaaaard, you're such a klutz!" she giggled, pulling on his ponytail to punctuate her point. This resulted in him thrashing about.

"Get OFF!"

"Nooo, shortie!"

A tiny hand shot out to grab a handful of soft yellow locks and yank them down. "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORTIE, YOU BLONDE UGLY LITTLE CREEP?!"

"Nii-san, you're blonde too…"

"SHUT UP, AL!"

"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME, EDWARD?!"

"OWOWOWOWW!!!"

"Winry, you can't kill people! What are we going to tell Granny?"

"I'll be sure to hide the body very very well!"

The other boy sighed and attempted to half-heartedly tug the screeching female, whose already doubtable feminity was being taunted by the pinned boy.

Ed frowned as the picture faded and another flashed in its place – of an abandoned lab, full of dusty books.

Perched on the top of a ladder, a small boy intently searched for a long-forgotten answer among the yellow pages. He suddenly turned his head and slipped off to the ground when another boy burst in the picture, hands closed around a large scroll…

…purple lights, screaming, fear…an experiment, a lifetime's achievement suddenly gone wrong…

…flames engulfing a house, memories, of love, loss and death, crackling before disappearing into swirling smoke…

…the whistle of the train as it sped into the horizon, leaving the gleaming bolts of the Central station behind, a man waving with a smile after them…

…a dusty old lab, illuminated by faint, flickering purple lights…monstrosities holding his brother hostage…

…a wrench hurtling towards his head, with a chuckling voce welcoming him home…

_Memories. _

Flashing ferociously, as if his entire life's events were trying to compress into an insane slideshow, trying to trigger his memory desperately.

From the very beginning, to seconds before he hit the ground.

…from the beginning to the very end.

_  
I couldn't love you any better  
You turned me into a killer  
And I'm sorry but you're all out of luck tonight  
Baby your time is up_

The other just watched him in silence. If he had any questions or doubts, it only flickered in his eyes for a second before the drunken melancholy and expressionless-ness took over again. His amethyst eyes surveyed the panting teen, his pain seemingly washing over him without effect.

_It's all your fault. _

"Surprised much, chibi-chan?" he suddenly said, drawing his knee up, earning a painful grunt and heave from the blonde alchemist. "You think that this God-damned luck of yours will last forever?"

Ed only gave him a weak, questioning glare. "W-"

"Hush." He snapped again, his free hand tightening around the other's irritated throat, causing him to splutter and cry out in pain. "I told you already, _shut up."_

_It's all your damn fault. _

_  
Something's got a hold of me, _

_Doesn't want you to breathe  
Stand over you and watch you bleed._

_I'll be the last thing you see_

Envy's plans on drinking himself out of his sanity and right mind had worked better then he ever expected. There was no logics, no reasoning, just pure instinct to follow instructions – and to kill.

Cause pain.

Purple irises slid over the alchemist's battered body, the fragile bones beneath the bruised skin of his neck almost begging to be crushed, his ears straining to hear the pitiful gasps when his hands effortlessly crushed his windpipe, inch by inch, and squeezed the last breaths of air from his lungs.

To drop the other like a worthless piece of meat when life was merely hanging onto his barely breathing mess of flesh and crushed bone and laugh as he sent him to beyond the Gate without any answers he so desperately craved.

Oh, the monster inside Envy roared its approval at the mere suggestions that arose in his sleep-deprived and unclear mind, his imagination not restrained in any sick or immoral way.

_  
Go ahead I dare you to scream  
No one can hear but me  
Pleading won't get you anywhere,  
When I decided not to care  
_

He stood up abruptly, his heels making contact with the other's back, grinning at the sharp intake of breath and feverish coughing that followed the small pressure.

"I told you." He said almost smugly and challengingly, nudging his torn back with his bare toes. "Scream, you stuck-up son of a bitch. Swallow your damn pride and give me some damn satisfaction…then, I'll let you breathe out your worthless soul in peace."

He felt the other's body stiffen for a second before lightly beginning to shake once more. With a slight grim satisfaction, he lifted his foot and slammed it back on the blonde's back, eyes slipping shut at the short scream, hoarse with what sounded like a muffled sob.

"Took you long enough." He murmured, endearingly ruffling the other's hair, crouching down once more. His finger snuck beneath the other's blood-covered chin, tilting the other's head so his slitted amethyst eyes could look in the other's clouded amber ones.

"You're such a mess, chibi-chan."

He coughed, shifting as he felt his exposed organs pulsing madly, shuddering at the new rush of pain.

"…w…why?" he managed to murmur, blinking, eyes filling with moisture before he furiously forced them back. _ "Why? "_

_  
Like Romeo and Juliet, _

_We're dying in the end_

The other male slowly absorbed his question in silence, letting his sigh be lost among the furious hissing and pattering of the silvery sheet of rain that was splattering down on their crouching figures with more and more ferocity.

He would have laughed at the cliché-ness of the situation in another time, another place.

In a way, it was oh-so-damn typical. Almost sickeningly predictable.

Two prodigies. From two very, oh so very different backgrounds.

When they met, the circumstances were dire, difficult, and bitter rivalry and hatred immediately sprung from the tender ashes of their encounter.

However, the memorable meeting has sown a helpless little seed. They each remained on each other's mind, whether clouded or surrounded by fear, the impression was certainly made.

And through the odds it faced, by the fiery rejection by pride, ambition and the stark differences in their backgrounds – not to mention genders, it somehow managed to sprout a timid but firm root.

Like in some soppy romance novel Lust would pick up for sheer entertainment, and then lend to Sloth, who would sniff emotively at the obstacles the two lovers went through just to be with each other.

Envy's firm opinion was always that this sort of publishing was a mere waste of trees, something entirely done to fill the brains of the already educationally brain dead humans.

_Life isn't damn Shakespeare you know! _he'd scoff at his two sisters who would giggle and whisper among themselves.

But…not for the first time…he was once again forced to admit Lust was right.

This_ was_ just like a damn fucking prose, a tragedy play written to make pathetic weak humans cry.

But just like those two famous lovers in amongst the masses of famous intricate tales, all recorded in their calligraphic writing and extravagant descriptions, they two were unexplainably drawn to each other like opposite poles of the magnet.

Together, they broke all rules considered sacred and right, and were awarded with the things they both unconsciously longed for.

…_how cliché._

_How damn according to plan…_ Envy through bitterly as he looked down at the shaking boy's body.

_  
We never loved each other,_

_At least I never did  
_

"W-w-would you j-just damn an-nswer my question?!" Edward managed to cough out, shaking and bloodied hand suddenly darting forward to wrap around Envy's ankle, causing the other to stop in his movements suddenly.

Upon the lack of sufficient answer – any sort of answer for that matter, the blonde's weak grip tightened. "A-answer m-m-me!" he croaked, chest heaving. "Wh-why?"

Envy stayed silent for another minute, his shoulders slightly tensing before he turned around, tilting his face so the other could jut make out his narrowed eye, gleaming and almost piercing the other with its coldness.

"Why what, chibi-chan?" he asked in a hollow, annoyed voice.

The other rolled his eyes with the annoyance he could muster, motioning to his engorged organs, wincing as agony shot through him with the small movements.

The other's mouth pulled into a smirk before morphing into his full-blown psychotic grin, pupil narrowing into a thin slit as his gaze pulsed and locked with the other's.

"Why?" he echoed, voice honeyed and laced with foreboding venom. "Now, that's one funny and rather naïve question you should ask, chibi-chan."

Ed's anger melted into confusion, first sparks of disbelief starting to appear. "Wh-"

"I called you out here because I had an order and a personal vendetta to settle." He said with a simple shrug of shoulders. "And your guts are currently spilling out on the pavement because both of those included it, chibi-chan."

Ed gave a soft, strangled sort of mix between a snort and a groan, causing Envy to start tugging his foot away, only to find the little shrimp clung on insistently.

"What more do you want to hear, chibi?!" he asked, voice rising an octave higher. His inner hysteria was getting hard to contain, coherent thoughts getting muddled. He massaged his forehead with a soft growl.

He needed to get out of here. He needed more alcohol. He needed to just kick the other away, get the fuck out this blood and rained-soaked street, walk in the first bar and drink until he couldn't see straight. Beat some bitches on the way home and sleep until a week passed…

Yes…yes…that's what he needed to do…

Then why the fuck was it so difficult to say what he knew he needed to say for the alchemist to let go?

"We both knew this was going to happen sooner or later. Don't tell me you didn't know that."

Ed was still gaping, his eyes now narrowing, glistening among his bloodied face. "…but…I thought…you…me…"

"You thought what?" he barked, whirling around, hands clenched. "You thought what?!"

He flinched back from the other's fury, biting his bruised lips. "…I thought you…" he coughed quietly before Envy's harsh laughter interrupted him.

"…you thought I loved you?" he snorted, throwing his hair back, voice and pose reeking of contempt at the mere idea.

Upon the other's silence and extremely tentative nod, one you could mistake for a twitch of a muscle, the Homunculus shivered in disgust and spat at the other's face, the psychotic aura looming around him again.

_If you did _

_You had a sick way of showing it  
_

"Listen to me, you little motherfucking son of a bitch." He hissed with venom, grabbing the other by his ponytail and yanking him up, ignoring his choked cries of agony and sickening squelches of torn flesh. "Listen up well, because I am only going to say this once." When the other's tortured face was right next to his, the sin moved closer so he could whisper in the blonde's ear, feeling mildly satisfied when he felt the other squirm as his breath ghosted over his neck.

"I never loved you, Edward Elric." He whispered, voice icy and malicious. "Never. I've wanted to kill you the moment I set eyes on your pathetic ass in the Fifth Laboratory. I wanted to make you suffer and cry like the child you are. And you know what?" he chuckled, tightening in the other's bloodied hair, enjoying every hitch of breath and strangled noise of pain coming from the smaller boy.

"You're such a disappointment."

_Star crossed lovers _

_And the blackest of skies  
Had a dream about the two of us,_

_One of us died_

Another thunderbolt crackled above them, their profiles lit for a split second by a brilliant white bolt of electricity. But it was enough to illuminate the look of horror on the alchemist's bruised face, searching the other's crazed and smug expression desperately, only to drown in his apparent insane hatred.

The fingers around the Homunculus slacked slowly, falling to the ground as cold dread and realization hit him like an express train shooting out of the tunnel. He swore he could feel the impact physically, making his stomach churn.

He should have known.

…this was the reason you obeyed the rules.

This was why you didn't challenge the laws of nature.

This is why you gave foreboding nightmares, laced with murder and death about you and your lover, and not shrug it off as strange but hellish coincidence and paranoid imagination.

…this is why he just knew it was too good to be true…

The alchemist's body shook with renewed tremors, his glazed eyes glittering anew with fresh pain.

Only this was so much worse then the numb and consistent physical agony.

_  
I'm sorry you had to die like this tonight  
_

It must have been the night when God's mercy really and truly ran out for the young, ambitious male.

Because unlike their previous encounters with the bony hand of the Grim reaper, brandishing the lethal sword of destiny inches away from them, there was no saviour.

No loophole.

No skill or technique to numb the blow.

There really was no second chance that night.

_  
I couldn't love you any better  
(I couldn't love you any better)  
You turned me into a killer  
(You turned me into a killer)  
And I'm sorry but you're all out of luck tonight  
(You've run outta luck tonight)  
Baby your time is up_

Through his dizzy and clouded mind, the only coherent thought seemed to be the single word of denial, inner voice repeating it desperately like some sacred mantra.

_Lies._

_Lies._

_Lies._

"No…" he chocked out, bloodied fingers making a grab for the other's foot again. He doubled up in a coughing fit again, wrenching with nausea, nails digging in the other's naked ankle. "No!"

Envy flinched at the sudden pain, trying to shake him off. The other, however, clung on with every scrap of his panicked determination to get a different answer out of him – to get him to admit the opposite of the vengeful confession he made seconds ago.

"Chibi. Let go."

A stubborn shake and scraping of nails.

"Let. Go."

"N-"

"I SAID GET OFF!" he screamed, violently kicking the other away, shrivelling away as if the other was some contagious disease. "DON'T TOUCH ME, YOU FUCKING FILTHY EXCUSE OF A HUMAN!"

At the other's painful glance, his shivering got even worse. Fists bunched up, he kicked the other again.

"You're nothing but a waste of the already polluted air on this God-damned planet and I can't tell you how happy I am to know you'll be dead before I reach home." He spat viciously.

"….b-"

"No fucking buts! I hate you, you hear me, Edward Elric?! The worst mission I could ever get stuck with, the worst person I had to waste my time with and the most annoying son of a bitch I have encountered in my four hundred years of living and I hope the maggots eat and retch up your disgusting, disfigured body after you've breathed out your soul!"

And with that, the green-haired male turned the other way and sprinted down the street, unaware of the other's cry behind him, not the vicious sting of the raindrops on his bare skin.

He couldn't hear, couldn't see, heart hammering in his ears.

He almost didn't notice he wasn't breathing until he felt his lungs burn – as if wanting to rival the sting in his eyes.

_  
Something's got a hold of me, _

_Doesn't want you to breathe  
Stand over you and watch you bleed. _

_I'll be the last thing you see  
Go ahead I dare you to scream  
No one can hear but me  
Pleading won't get you anywhere,  
When I decided not to care_

His chest ached from the lack of oxygen, the sudden adrenalin rush burning his tongue; narrowed eyes fixed ahead, stubbornly ignoring the pang in his stomach.

_It must be the disappointment for not seeing the other draw his last breath…the disappointment of not hearing the other beg him for mercy…the disappointment that I couldn't just rip his heart out myself. _

Visions of blood, slowly seeping over the pavement, bubbling and rippling as the rain diluted it made him shiver as he glanced down at his own fingers.

He forced himself to look forwards again.

_Don't look back, Envy. Mission's completed. Don't look back...nothing to look back at.... _

He closed his eyes; the blonde's scream still ringing in his ears as he disappeared into the shadows.

TBC…

Opinions are greatly, greatly appreciated.

Past readers and reviewers will forever have my gratitude. C:


	2. Bye Bye Beautiful

(EDIT) Fixed the description, it should flow much more neater now, hopefully.

_A.N.__ Thank you so much for all of those who reviewed and added this story to their favourites! I am so glad you liked it! :D_

_Here's the second part, this time in Edward's point of view. I'm personally pretty proud of this chapter. It was really hard to write, mainly because I didn't want to repeat the last chapter from another point of view, and the lyrics could be interpreted in so many different ways. Well, hope you guys like it anyhow._

_Et allons-y!_

-

_**Disclaimer:**__ Characters don't belong to me. FullMetal Alchemist belongs to Hiromu Arakawa. _

_**Lyrics:**__ Bye Bye Beautiful - Nightwish_

_**Pairing: **__Envy x Ed_

_**Warning:**__ References to yaoi/shonen ai (love between men), heavy gore, violence, language. _

* * *

**Part Two**

**Bye Bye Beautiful**

_Finally the hills are without eyes  
They are tired of painting a dead man's face red  
With their own blood_

It really must have been God's irony, that it was in that precise moment, lying on the pavement, his bloodied intestines entwined in a complicated knot, barely shielded from the outside fury of Nature by a thin, ragged cloth that Edward Elric thought it would be a good idea to re-evaluate his life.

Perhaps it was the epiphany one reaches when on the verge of dying that is much discussed and spoken of that triggers the mind, however hazed by either pain or panic, to start thinking about the past.

Past achievements.

Memories.

Past regrets.

Whatever it was, Edward thought grudgingly, biting his lip again and groaning when another wave of pain washed over him, grip around his middle tightening in vain attempt to shut it out,

_It sure had a fucking bad sense of timing. _

Clouded amber eyes warily blinked and looked off in the distance again, straining to make out someone, something – anything.

But all he could see through the thick, silvery curtain of rain that mercilessly pounded down on his battered figure was the outline of the rocky mountains that rose into the clouds. The reminder of the wilderness that was beyond the lively lights and busy streets of Central.

One quite similar to where the ambushed Ishvarlan people must be seeking refuge in.

A brief fragment of the Alchemy meeting flashed into his mind, a reminisce and debate of where the wary tribe must be hiding now that bloody days of the Civil war were thankfully over, and the countryside was slowly beginning to wash the sinful blood dried on those very mountains, the land burying the mutilated corpses deep into its soiled embrace, hiding both the terror that used to be and the scars the State Alchemists engraved the bloody judgement in the victims' flesh.

_  
They used to love _

_Having so much to lose  
Blink your eyes just once _

_And see everything in ruins  
_

But why was he suddenly reminiscing over the fate of the Ishvarlans when that was the very,_ very_ least of his problems…?

The blonde alchemist groaned again, eyes squeezing shut, trying to ignore the purple splodges dancing before his vision, quietly cursing his short attention span when it came to something else then research. His fingers tentatively brushed the soaked fabric aside, and he attempted to somehow scoop his organs back inside his body. However, at the faintest touch, he recoiled, biting back a raw scream that arouse in his throat, causing his stomach to tear open further, his panicking lung glistening among the safety of his ribs.

He bit back a sob, whimpering as he closed his eyes, waiting for the pain to ebb away, only the slightest…

Electricity crackled through the sky again, the wind howled through the empty street, making his solitary figure shudder miserably, clutching the torn coat around himself.

What had gone wrong? Wasn't he in a meeting, yawning and being eaten by boredom just a few hours ago, with a promise for excitement hidden in the depth of his pockets?

His casual plans on when to suffer through the unavoidable task of paperwork, and the budget sorting for his next trip with Al, a little lazing around and bribing Hawkeye to lend him enough money to buy dango…it all seemed like a hazy dream, unreal, detached from this harsh reality, pounding with pain.

He squeezed his eyes shut and opened them again, heart clutched by a trickle of childish hope that this was some ghastly nightmare.

However, when his eyes opened, the blurred image of the empty, abandoned street seemed, if possible, even colder.

In a blink of an eye, in a matter of a short hour, everything he knew to be stable and true crumbled abruptly and crashed in a smouldering, brittle pile of rubble, with his helpless body trapped underneath it.

And no one was there to pull him out from under the wreck.

_  
Did you ever hear what I told you?  
Did you ever read what I wrote you?  
Did you ever listen to what we played?  
Did you ever let in what the world said?_

After a few more minutes of struggling – and possibly tearing all the muscles in his abdomen, halving his already fragile lifespan, the blonde alchemist dropped both hands with a frustrated cry and closed his eyes, trying to ignore the stubborn throbbing in his side.

He drew his hands close to his body, trying to keep as warm as possible. His numb fingers brushed against the swelling on his neck. The blonde bit his lip before rubbing his thumb over the sensitive wound absentmindedly, feeling his chest tighten.

His mind was still numb from the past hour's events, like a stuck typewriter, unable to process this enormous amount of information suddenly thrust upon him – quite literally, in form a transmuted blade.

He had previous experiences which completely tore him apart and shook his beliefs to the core, forcing him to reshape his ideals and morals.

But nothing even remotely close to this.

_How could he? _

How could he just…play the other all these long months? How could he have pretended?

Did the andrygous motherfucking bastard really not get_ anything_ the other attempted to communicate through to him all this time?

What about all those letters? Notes in secret codes that could only be forged by them? Those late-night twenty-second phone calls made at four o'clock in the morning, the Homunculus waking a grumbling Edward up just so he could coo and make chicken noises down the phone, the green-haired male's laughter echoing through the room as the enraged and rather sleepy blonde screeched back down the line, absolutely livid before slamming the phone back down?

What was all that then?

Or was the alchemist really that easily deceived by Envy's acting skills, polished and formed by the centuries of experience he gained to survive?

Was it just that? Fooled by the adaptation skills of the fittest in the concrete jungle of humans and outcasts?

…was it really so insignificant…?

…was_ he_ so insignificant…?

_  
Did we get this far just to feel your hate?  
Did we play to become only pawns in the game?_

Edward squeezed his eyes shut, a fraction of their first conversation flashing into his mind again.

"…_remember, the only reason you're alive, the only reason I haven't killed you yet is because they told us not to." _

He could faintly recall Lust's comment about the Homunculi not asking Edward for what they told him to do – they were commanding him.

He winced again as pain seared through his head, his own voice ringing in his ears as he hotly and furiously protested at the mere idea, raging amber locked with cool and calculating amethyst.

A fraction of the old anger rose in him, making his frown deepen.

Him and Al came to search for the stone on their own free will! He became a lowly slave to the military out of his own damn free decision! They were_ NOT_ someone's pawns in their grand, dirty scheme, to be blackmailed into using their hard-earned knowledge to be then tossed aside!

However, a sharp jolt of sickening nausea from abdomen unceremoniously dragged him back to reality.

…he really had become a pawn.

A puppet in the huge plan of the immortal prodigies, hell-bent on making their wish a reality.

An important puppet – perhaps the queen on the chessboard.

But a puppet nonetheless.

_  
How blind can you be, don't you see?  
You chose the long road, but we'll be waiting _

He clamped his jaw shut, letting out a quiet, frustrated whimper, hissing when his fingers brushed against his barely concealed ribcage.

…_Envy…y-you motherfucking son of a…_ he thought sourly, gritting his teeth.

_Are you really this bloody fucking blind? Are you really going to let all of…this…all that we damn worked for…and did…just for an attempt to kill yet another human? Just to spill another creature's blood – ones you deemed to be the sole source of your misery?_

…_can't you see it could be different? _

Clouded eyes closed for a second before opening with a film of moisture and steely determination.

_You've just pushed the timer further up, but haven't destroyed it. You lengthened your fate, not erased it._

_You made your suffering longer. But despite your idiocy…and your cruelty…I'll wait for you at the end. _

_  
Bye bye, beautiful  
Die, Die beautiful  
_

The sharp sting of the rainfall dragged him out of his thoughts once again, the chilled precipitation piercing his overdriven senses like a shower of needles, hurled blindly at his hunched form.

His grip around himself tightened, a vain attempt to pull and keep himself together, even though he was painfully aware that both his body and soul were falling apart.

And he was without any sort of assurance that the damage could ever be repaired.

Inevitably, with every drop seeping out from his wounds, another grain of sand tumbled to the bottom of the hourglass counting the time he spent on the mortal side of the Gate.

_  
Jacob's ghost for the girl in white  
Blindfold for the blind  
Dead siblings wanting the dying earth_

It really was true that the human being was the sole animal…the sole creature who managed to kick the same rock twice.

Nature, although often shunned by the so-called highest creatures of society and nature, extended the intelligence and rule into all animals – if you make a mistake and cause yourself and others pain, do NOT do it again.

Ergo, the dog that stuck its paws into the fire, with its tender and singed muscles, will never repeat it.

However, humans once again declined any 'coyoling' and slapped away Mother Nature's helpful hands in order to attempt to solve the problem themselves.

And promptly, and quite predictably, fall flat on their faces in this matter.

However much Ed would have liked to deny it dozens of times, he was still human, and by no means exception to this.

The blonde alchemist could have learnt when the transmutation of his beloved mother failed, leaving him and his brother crippled, that certain rules – unlike the millions of regulations in his State Alchemist handbook – were written for a reason.

That you didn't break these rules for a reason.

When having a nostalgic moment on their travels, he always pictured their late mother sitting on a cloud, her thin frame wrapped in white silk, her chestnut curls wound up in a bun.

Perhaps a childish interpretation of an angel...yet he was terrified of imagining what Trisha Elric must look like now, weakened by her mortal struggle and violently ripped from her grave, unceremoniously dumped back to the land of the living.

Ghastly way to pay tribute to someone so innocent.

Ghastly way to show respect by staining her ghostly silk robe in blood.

The blonde's shivers grew worse as his thoughts swirled thicker, guilt suddenly flushing his conscience.

During their hasty training and preparations, he never once doubted that bringing their mother back was in any respect wrong. Trisha was the purest, kindest, most charitable soul ever to shine among the millions of dull candle-souls. If anyone deserved a great sacrifice, it was her.

His gaze bore into the rippling surface of a puddle, heart giving a painful lurch.

They were so wrong all along. So blind.

Blinded by their pain and longing for stability, for love…and the never-ending possibilities alchemy offered only served as a blindfold to the truth.

It wasn't about whether it was possible or not.

It wasn't only the fact they couldn't bring people back from the dead – they shouldn't.

It wasn't that you couldn't fall for the enemy…

You shouldn't.

It wasn't you couldn't challenge Nature and not tear down the forbidden fruit for forbidden, sinful pleasure…

It was because ultimately, it will just end with a rather painful crash back to reality.

_  
Noose around a choking heart  
Eternity torn apart  
So toll now the funeral bells  
_

Oh, and just how painful it was.

Upon hearing gossiping teenage girls in the library, or sniffing secretaries in the cafeteria, sharing the idle bit of gossip about their love lives between giggles or their latest heartbreak between sobs (and rather loud blows into frilly handkerchiefs), he would always scoff or frown.

_What useless drama, what unnecessary fuss. It's just some damn fickle emotion. Get over it!_ he would always whisper to Al, who would scold him gently.

While he would always retaliate that the sobbing girl would most likely have a new lover in three days maximum, Ed would always silently swear he will never submit himself to this sort of humiliating ordeal.

And at the time, it didn't seem to be such an excruciating task – the only potential female he knew was Winry, and the blonde alchemist was more then happy to let the mechanic marry his brother.

If it meant getting less hits over the head with that wrench…

Now he really did understand why there was such a shortage of tissues and cake every time a female officer suffered heartbreak in the military.

Not even the bullet wound he once received hurt as much as the persistent, dull ache in his chest. The pain of rejection and all-too-familiar dreaded loneliness were curling around his windpipe and panicking heart in a chokehold.

He groaned in frustration when the street once again wavered, the hardware shop melting and moulding into a sienna puddle before taking a vague shape of a steeple tower.

The huddles, entwined outline of two figures stood sharply against the large, pearly sheen of the moon. Their legs dangling over the edge of the small window, the smaller one faked terror and gripped the taller one's long hair for support, making him shriek out and smack him on the head.

"I'm going to fall ooooff!"

"Get your damn gloved paws off me, chibi-chan!" the other snapped.

The other ignored his request, mocking the other by imitating his shriek, making the Homunculus roll his eyes and wrap an arm around the squirming alchemist's waist protectively.

"Stay put, shrimp, you know I won't let you fall."

At the other's sceptical glance, Envy smiled a little. "Yeah. You imagine what a mess it would make?" he explained without batting an eyelid. "You don't want to give those nice ladies in this monastery a heart attack, do you, when they wake up for their morning prayer and they see you with a broken neck?"

This earned him a rather hand kick on the shins, and the dirtiest look since Envy dared to point out that only females wear high platform shoes.

The older male chuckled, pulling the sulking alchemist closer, resting his chin on top of his head, humming.

"…it's such a nice evening…"

"Yeah. Y'know, it's kind of funny. Two hundred years ago, the moon still looked exactly the same. I watched it from the top of a hill instead of a steeple tower, but it was the same colour…the same size…it gave you the same feeling…"

Edward smiled, fingers absentmindedly playing with the ends of the emerald tresses. "D'ya reckon it will be the same another four hundred years later?"

"Most probably."

"…Envy?"

"Hmm?"

"…you're immortal, right?"

He raised an eyebrow at the question, shrugging lightly. "…yeah. I'm pretty sure bout it."

"What does it feel like?'

Frowning lightly, taken aback by the sudden topic change, amethyst eyes rose to trace the dusky paths of a distant galaxy. "…in a way, it's exhilarating. There are no limits to what you can do, in a sense, as you're never going to die, grow older…or get crippled. Fascinating as you can see how the world moulds and changes around you. But…it's terrifying in another sense…when you think those endless centuries…millennia…alone…"

Edward gave a soft noise of agreement, blinking in surprise when he was pulled closer.

"…but now…eternity doesn't seem so bleak anymore…" the other murmured under his breath, eyes cast down, as if admitting something embarrassing.

"…Envy…I'm not im-"

"Shut up." He sighed, fingers lightly caressing his back. "Details, details…"

…_Eternity, huh?_ he thought bitterly as the scene faded back to the weather-beaten street, feeling a tear slip down his cheek, throat burning. As if to mock him, the hollow, sorrowful clung of those very church bells rung in his ear, as if flashing from the near future.

_How ironic._

_"I need to die to feel alive"_

After that one particular night, he lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling, fingering his pocket watch.

Would he really sacrifice everything…well, not everything, but his beliefs…the little family…for a chance to live eternity?

Would he become…someone like him, if he had the chance, so they wouldn't be ripped apart by mortality?

By some respects, the prospect of being a Homunculus sounded promising – they were free to go as they wished, the only force driving them was their own will to become whatever they wished.

And those unique abilities…

Those unattainable by any sort of alchemy or gene mutation…

And he had to admit, when he was soaring above the ground, held securely, locked in the inhumane jumps from building to building…or when he was locked with a fierce, fiery kiss with the immortal, pressed against the cold alley walls…when his limbs were entangled with the other's chilled flesh, devoured by the flames of desire…when being held by an undead, unnatural force, forced back to the ranks of the living…that was when he really felt alive.

_  
Did you ever hear what I told you?  
Did you ever read what I wrote you?  
Did you ever listen to what we played?  
Did you ever let in what the world said?_

Was he really so ready to sacrifice all that for the other male?

He really was smitten…so trusting and willing to give up so much, when all the other wanted was to rip him apart and leave him to drown in his own blood and the filth of the earth?

Pushing himself forward with trembling limbs, crying out as his sensitive flesh near his wound was dragged along the rough concrete, he struggled not to break down. _ Concentrate…_he thought weakly, gritting his teeth, ignoring the blood trickling down his chin, and the slowly amplifying nausea growing in his stomach.

_Forwards…_

_Forwards…_

_Need to keep going. _

…_why did you betray me, you fucking bastard? Why?_

_What did I do wrong? Didn't I tell it to you enough?_

…_there should be a town hall here somewhere, where I can call help…_

…_I thought you felt the same…_

…_Hawkeye should be in, she'll get here…I don't want Mustang to see me like this…_

…_you motherfucking son of a bitch…_

_Hopefully they could sew this wound together…_

…_didn't you listen? Didn't you hear me? Why? Why?!_

_  
Did we get this far just to feel your hate?  
Did we play to become only pawns in the game?  
How blind can you be, don't you see?  
You chose the long road, but we'll be waiting  
_

After a painstakingly crawled metre – leaving a trail of blood and what suspiciously looked like bile seeping from his intestines – Edward collapsed again, panting and gritting his teeth, arm clutching his torso. He let out a humourless laugh when he felt his intestines trying to slip through his fingers onto the soaked ground below.

Everything really iwas/i working against him…

He once again contemplated on just giving up to the tempting allure of passing gout on the pavement and blissfully surrendering to the prospect of bleeding to death.

…_hey, someone needed to feed those stray dogs as well… _he reasoned with a weak, dry chuckle, immediately clamping a hand over his mouth a moment later to muffle his coughs. He cringed when he felt the torn cloth dampen with blood and bile.

What did it matter?

He was just a damn pawn in a vicious scheme, just deposited as he was no longer any use to his so-called 'employers'.

After a few seconds, the blonde alchemist swallowed the bitter taste of defeat and spat viciously into the nearby puddle, wounded pride shifting, satisfied at the refusal to admit defeat yet.

_He ran away. From me, from everything. But I won't follow him on that cowardly path – I'll drag myself to the end and wait for him there. _

_  
Bye bye, beautiful  
Die, Die beautiful  
_

However long his pride decided to hold out, his body wasn't intent on following such courageous path. His heartbeat was already slowing down, his body temperature chilling, giving his bloodied flesh a pale tint. The thinning walls of his inner organs throbbed painfully, loosing the battle to keep both heat and blood inside the other shamefully.

Edward whimpered as he felt life drain from him with every slow, painful heartbeat. He brushed the ends of his fringe out of his eyes with some difficulty, wincing when he saw the butter blonde locks caked with dried blood. His dull amber eyes caught his reflection in the murky puddle and he winced, a dreary mask from a horror and macabre show glancing back at him with its dreary, gory lifelessness.

A new kind of beauty, perhaps.

One the Grim Reaper, would very soon have the chance to appreciate.

_  
It's not the tree that forsakes the flower  
But the flower that forsakes the tree  
Someday I'll learn to love these scars  
Still fresh from the red-hot blade of your words_

_/i_

He spat out another mouthful of blood on the side, now tinted with a sickening shade of green. Cringing and letting out a disgusted grunt, he lowered himself on his side for a short break from his crawling.

It truly was the quiet danger, one who hid in the shadows that posed the biggest threat. While there were those who brandished their blades, rusted with their previous victories' lives, but it was those who followed you in silence, then jumped out to slit your throat from behind, free hand in your pocket who could you take you by the greatest surprise.

And it was these sneaked attacks that left you reeling both from shock and surprise that stung the most.

It truly wasn't the warriors who challenged great empires who caused the downfall of the great – but the small, insignificant who crept in the system, unnoticed, and stabbed the trusting in the back at the precise moment.

But it didn't matter anymore…

Perhaps when crawling through the smoky depths of the damned, he would appreciate the scars left behind the immortal's blade.

Cuts these deep were bound to marr the body or contained his soul would rest in the afterlife…both the physical, and the mental ones torn by the harsh screams hurled at him before the green-haired sin took off.

Perhaps once, he will be proud.

Once, he will learn to feel honoured at this twisted, sick display of pretended love and affection.

In this world or the next. __

...How blind can you be, don't you see...  
How blind can you be, don't you see...  
How blind can you be, don't you see...  
...that the gambler lost all he does not have...  


It was harder to deicide at that very moment on which of them was more foolish and blind.

Who really was the biggest fool here?

Was it the stubborn sin who refused to let anyone close to him, and has severed his very last ties and hopes to ever having something remotely close to being human?

…or was it alchemist, whose gambles for the uncertain had finally crashed and crumbled to dust, leaving him at peril?

Lidded eyes turned to the sky, a dry, humourless laugh leaving his lips at the irony of it all, until his body was shaking with hysterical chuckles, ignoring the violent throbs of pain in protest.

He just lost everything. Everything he never had. His castle cloud has fallen apart, leaving him hurtling towards the ground. The magic has fallen, the sparkling gold dropping its disguise and turning to lead in his hands.

Illusions. Lies.

He just lost them all.

_  
Did you ever hear what I told you  
Did you ever read what I wrote you  
Did you ever listen to what we played  
Did you ever let in what the world said  
Did we get this far just to feel your hate  
Did we play to become only pawns in the game  
How blind can you be, don't you see _

_You chose the long road but we'll be waiting  
_

His joyless laughter echoed off the buildings, eventually drowned in another coughing fit. Weakly trying to get rid of the liquid in his windpipe, he doubled up, dizziness getting worse. As the coughs got worse, the pain worsened alongside, his grip on reality steadily weakening with every wave of agony.

_I…I can't hold on…_

_Pawn. _

"The only reason you're alive, the only reason I haven't killed you yet is because they told us not to…"

"…_I'm not asking you, Fullmetal. I'm telling you to do it."_

Worthless.

_Puppet._

"…eternity doesn't see so bad anymore…"

_Immoral._

Unnatural.

"_I won't let you fall."_

Love.

Cherished.

…_lies. _

…_I don't want to anymore…_

_Bye, beautiful  
Die, Die beautiful_

"EDWARD!"

He blinked, a raindrop running down his clammy face into his eyes, a drop quivering at the ends of his eyelashes. Through the distorted colours and shapes, he could just about make out a pair of polished boots running down the street, splashing through he puddles towards him. A voice…female, but with a harsh and agonized tint, was shouting his name…over and over again…

He attempted to answer, but his limp tongue refused to obey. He coughed a couple more ties, retching with nausea.

"…hurts…" he managed to murmur before his misty eyes rolled to the back of his head and his exhausted body surrendered to the luring temptation of unconsciousness.

TBC…

Comments? Please?


	3. The Sharpest Lives

_(EDIT) Fixed the description, it should flow much more neater now, hopefully._

_**A.N. –**____An update that took its sweet, sweet time. New school year and my muses were uncooperative, I do apologize for it. There's extra gore for conpensation…? XD_

_Again, thank you so, so very much for the reviews. They make me incredibly happy. _

_And we're back to Envy's point of view here. If he seems OOC, it will be because he has been just ordered to kill Edward and is under the influence of…various things. XD_

_I explored some completely new things here, and my style has changed too. I hope you will enjoy~_

_-_

_**Disclaimer:**__ Characters don't belong to me. FullMetal Alchemist belongs to Hiromu Arakawa. _

_**Lyrics:**__ The Sharpest Lives – My Chemical Romance_

_**Pairing:**__ Envy x Ed_

_**Warning:**__ References to yaoi/shonen ai (love between men), heavy gore (including some slight self-cannibalism), alcohol and drug abuse, violence, language. _

**Part Three**

**Sharpest Lives**

_Well it rains and it pours  
When you're out on your own_

If asked among those who knew a fraction of her nature, almost everyone question could reassure the enquirer that Lust was not an anxious person. In fact, her cool, poised demeanour, with her icy seductiveness, was the image that burned into the average person's mind after meeting her.

However, as she stood by the large, elaborately crafter window of the mansion, gloved hands twisting her lush, dark curls around her fingers, the sole emotion radiating off her was worry and anxiousness.

Outlined eyes were narrowed and her usual coy smirk was replaced with a worried nibbling on her painted lower lips as her amethyst eyes searched the street, trying to distinguish a figure behind the heavy curtain of silvery rain.

The sin was about as superstitious as she was anxious. However, having picked up a couple of dusty poetry collections in the old library, their peculiar messages and imagery sparking her interest, she couldn't help noting the rather dark foreboding symbolism the weather was.

Such heavy, howling winds, accompanied by the crashing of the heavens never meant anything less then a small disaster.

That was one of her unsaid reasons why she had rooted down next to the window, waiting impatiently for her brother to return to the mansion. The thought that he was out there, on his own…however capable she knew he was of taking of himself, somehow, the mere thought made her even more uneasy.

_  
If I crash on the couch  
Can I sleep in my clothes?_

The old clock's soft ticking amplified to thundering as her senses sharpened out with her growing annoyance, tiredness and nervousness. She rested her forehead against the cool glass, another frustrated sigh leaving her slim frame.

"Lust?" a soft voice called out from behind the slumping sin, causing her to straighten up, trying to collect her slowly shattering composure.

"Yes…Sloth?" she replied in her smooth baritone, turning to face her brunette sister, who stood in the doorway, clad in her usual smart, lilac suit. She must have just finished her duties in the Fuhrer's office…the sudden realization of the lateness of the hour and Envy's continued absence made Lust's tired frown deepen.

The addressed cocked her head to the side, gaze questioning and slightly puzzled. Surprised and unsettled at seeing her role-model for composure in such state, she walked forwards to lay comforting hand on her naked shoulder.

"Lust?" she murmured. "…what's wrong?"

"…I'm…tired." She answered a minute later, eyes closed as she massaged her forehead, frown deepening. "…and worried."

Her sister blinked before her gaze traced the previous position of the black-haired homunculus before nodding. "Were you waiting for Envy-san to get back?"

Lust nodded, finding no point to lie to her youngest sibling.

"Go and rest, Lust-onee-san." The brunette smiled, using the nickname when she wanted to get her point as firmly and lovingly as she could across, for the stubborn sin's benefit. "You've been up all week. I will tell you when he comes back."

Lust protested weakly, starting on her list of 'one thousand reasons why I should be the one staying up and the rest of you sleeping and let me take care of things' (compiled in her spare time and kept for emergency situations) when the placid sin's firm stare cut her off.

"No excuses." She smiled, wagging a finger and pointing to the door.

"B-"

"Rest, Lust.' Sloth cut through, chuckling when the curled beauty's jaw slacked open, then snapped shut as she rolled her eyes and threw her gloved hands up in defeat.

"Okay. Just don't make me regret sleeping…"

Sloth smiled, bowing, making the other swipe her gently across her head and continue towards the exit, high heels' clicks echoing through the empty room.

Lust paused when she was at the door, brushing the wooden frame slowly, looking over her shoulder, mouth open – but she shut it slowly, turning her head with a soft swish of ebony curls.

Sloth followed her with her gaze until the dark green velvet melted in one with the shadows of the corridor before moving to sit on the plush armchair closest to the window. Posture as straight and organized as she were still in the office, folder on her knees, she began to shuffle through the documents.

The clock on the wall ticked by, the silver hands moving steadily around the yellowed carton with agonizing slowness.

Locking the door, Lust dropped the keys carelessly on her dressing table, glancing briefly at the faded photographs tucked inside the wooden frame. She reached forward, tips of her fingers brushing the faces of the figures before turning to lower herself on the bed.

Fingering her hair, her exhausted amethyst gaze turned to scan the blurred outlines of the outside world.

…_where the bloody fuck are you, Envy?...and what sort of mission did you get…?_

_Knowing Dante, and remembering your reaction…_

_Just get back safe._

_  
'Cause I've spent the night dancing  
I'm drunk, I suppose  
If it looks like I'm laughing  
I'm really just asking to leave  
_

A mile away, in the heart of the Central city, buzzing with dark life despite the monstrous weather conditions and the late hours, behind the crumbling wooden door and the bodies of the solemn bouncers, was where the much worried-about sin could be located.

Throwing another drink back, Envy wiped his mouth carelessly and hurled the cracked glass in the vague direction of the bartender, smirking upon her frightened shriek and desperate moves to dive out of the way as the glass crashed in the wall behind her, shattering into a million fragments. They showered on her crouching figure, amplifying her screeches – to be drowned in the pounding music, mixed with the loud shouts of enjoyment, harsh swearing and the thick smoke.

The green haired male leaned back against the nearest wall, posture relaxed, guard unnaturally let down as he surveyed the mass of swaying bodies, the heavy beat of the music vibrating through his lithe body. He could feel the bass pounding around his stomach, head rolling forwards, moving slightly with the tune.

The alcohol swirled inside his blood stream, mingling with the countless other pints devoured hours before.

Of the number, he has lost the count hours ago, the little sanity and common sense about alcohol thrown out of the metaphoric window with kind regards to him and his mother. Once sharp edges and distinctive colours had fuzzed out and faded till the sin's entire surroundings have faded into one enormous slate-coloured slur.

Just like the recollection of his sleazed mind.

If anyone would have had the guts or the insanity to ask the green-haired male the obvious about, or by the bare curiosity of exactly how much he had drunk, the answer would have been a slightly slurred but firm negative, denying reply – perhaps accompanied by a few casual bone-crushing punches, yet negative nonetheless.

He was just getting a slight distraction from the unsettling events previously in the evening.

It was just some casual relaxation.

He was certainly not _drunk._

The sole reason why the room was in such a peculiar state was merely an optical illusion due to the bad lighting conditions.

And that slight dull ache in his chest was just from the time some bastard tried to drag him out by the shirt.

Previously mentioned fat, bald bastard was currently caked to the back wall of the pub, the multicoloured, alien blend of his blood and brains slowly diluting and enriching the putrid black filth of the sewers.

Human's interpretations of facial features and behaviour was really downright _pathetic.._

How could he mistake his gesture for a mocking _laugh_?

His fingers clenched around the newest glass, flinching when his skin dug into the chipped edge, stubbornly staring ahead at the ceiling, the bright lights reflecting the bright amethyst of his eye before drowning in the huge black voids of his pupils.

_  
This alone, you're in time for the show  
You're the one that I need  
I'm the one that you loathe  
_

One of the girls, curves barely concealed by her ripped attire, eyes glittering with the effects of either numerous pints or something slightly stronger, swung out of the dance floor and stumbled against the stained table Envy was leaning against. Throwing her long blonde braid back, body shaking with drunken giggles, she waved to the immortal, who was observing her with a raised eyebrow.

"What'cha doing out here on yer own?" she slurred with a slurred attempt at a seductive tone, one hand on her bony hips, the emerald dye flashing in the bright lights.

"…watching." Was Envy's curt answer, eyes already turning somewhere else, disinterest practically reeking off his rigid posture.

With a disappointed pout, the blonde girl huffed and flicked her long braid in the other's face, smirking victoriously when it made contact with the sin's face with a particularly loud smack, and attempted to glide back onto the dance floor – only to find out that heights and high heels did not always agree with each other, and that gravity was always waiting for the opportunity to make its existence known.

Rubbing his sore cheeks, Envy's scowl soon turned into a smirk at the sound of the blonde's pained shriek as she tumbled forwards into the crowd, pulling several others with her onto the ground.

If his hearing served him correctly, there were a few damaged eyeballs somewhere too…

Snickering, he raised the glass to his lips, hissing in relief at the now-familiar burn of the alcohol on the skin of his throat.

Even though he had been doing practically nothing but drinking for what seemed like hours now, he felt parched. Setting the empty glass down, his eyes spied for more deliciously bloody damaged and mutilated limbs he could go and crush further in the tangled crowd around the furiously protesting, and rather loud blonde girl.

…crowd…

…loud exclamations…

…exchange of a few blows…

…a blonde with bared fangs, screeching like a frustrated harpy just woken from slumber…

_This seems all too familiar…_

Growling, he clutched his head, nails sinking into the already scarred scalp in attempt to block the sharp blocks of pain, accompanying the small scraps of memory that had not yet been repressed by the sleazed monster within, its growl never loud enough to repress that one small, thin, pleading fraction of a question.

"_Why?"_

A sharp snarl left his hunched figure, alerting a few of the waitresses nearby. Their alert gazes only grew more alarmed when they caught sight of the narrowed amethyst slits, blazing with hostility and disgust.

Frowning as he watched them inch off, trying not to be conspicuous to him murderous gaze, the sin snorted and threw his head back, a hollow laugh escaping his lips as he recognized one of the small brunettes in the depths of the provocative uniform – one that had been especially eager in getting his attention a couple of weeks back.

When he was wearing the cool, composed mask of the role he embodied.

And now, when he was unmasked, his aurora of clumsy lethalness hanging around him like a bad stench, she was fleeing like a little frightened deer who had caught a whiff of the swamps.

Oh the dear, sweet, twisted irony of it all.

With a sudden movement, he grabbed the girl's frail arm, his smirk only growing wider at her horrified attempt to scream for help.

Ignoring her squirms, the sin pulled the girl closer, until her terrified pools of hazel, swimming with unshed tears, was in level with his chin. He then leaned forwards, chuckling as she flinched away from his breath.

"Why so shy tonight?" he purred sultrily, the slight slurs making him sound all the more unsettling, and causing the girl's struggles to get more panicked. "Your wishes were entirely different a couple of nights ago."

"T…that's because I was blind!" she spat angrily, indignation rising to her cheeks. "Let go of me!"

"Blinded by the outside?" he cooed mockingly, tightening his grip on her wrists, crazen smirk growing all the more satisfied at her pained yelps as his fingers slowly began to build up the pressure on her frail human bones. "Believe me, I could really use your company tonight."

This time, he was not lying. He really felt like taking the girl with him.

To the nearest alley corner.

And when all prying eyes were hidden by the darkness, he would finally have someone to take the built-up frustration out of…and leave the beautiful mutilated carcass for the rest of the world to see in the morning.

"Well, I don't!" she screeched, trying to push him away by kicking his bare shins, humiliated tears dribbling down her powdered cheeks. "Let me GO, you monster!"

_You can watch me corrode like a beast in repose  
'Cause I love all the poison  
Away with the boys in the band  
_

Much to her surprise, he flinched at the last word, snarling low in his throat as he suddenly released her, making her stumble backwards and collapse unceremoniously against the bar. She sat up, wheezing and clutching her bruised wrists, the taste of adrenalin bitter on her tongue.

She found his figure in the crowd, and sent him the foulest glare she could muster.

He just rolled his eyes, unfocused eyes laced with pity and sadness.

"You're all the same." He said to no-one in particular, body already turned away from the girl. "You found it so easy to loathe your desires, don't you? Because pointing at the monster in the cage is much easier then seeing the human it originated and mutated out of."

The waitress frowned before sniffing indignantly, noting his slitted eyes with a mixture of shock and horror.

"…you're not human." She hissed, inching away.

"Thank your non-existent God." He snarled before turning away, sharp elbow digging in the obstacle ribs in a rather obvious gesture of wishing to go through.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a glimpse of a bottle, abandoned on a table in favour of the promises of the dance floor. Without looking up, he swiped it with a hand, the cool surface welcome and all-too-familiar under his fingertips.

As he raised it to his chapped lips, he smirked wryly.

It was yet another surprisingly human trait he had become all-too-fond of recently.

The sharp taste upon first contact between liquid and skin.

The oh-so-satisfying burning and tingling of the sensitive surface of his throat.

And the blissful oblivion it bought.

He swallowed eagerly, eager to hide like the coward he was from the emotional strain and pressure of the last few hours.

Yes, he loved denial.

The blurriness, the borders and barriers washed and undistinguishable, both physically and emotionally.

He _needed_ it.

He needed a stronger poison then the one corroding him away.

_I've really been on a bender and it shows  
So why don't you blow me a kiss before she goes?  
_

The shards of the empty bottle joining the remains of his sisters under the heels of the crowd, Envy wiped his mouth carelessly, signature smirk back in place as he pushed through the crowd of swaying bodies. Occasionally, he let himself be pulled into a larger group, let himself sway with the bodies pressed together. He breathed in the sickly perfumes mixed with sweat and evaporated booze, forming a nauseating perfume. Yet, somehow, he welcomed the decay.

Thin arms brushing against the hips of every blonde he got near, a coy and questioning wink the automatic answer to any inquiring glances.

A mixture of responses.

Surprise, a hint of flattery, terror, sleaziness.

A kiss blown his way.

Simply a whiff of air blown from a pair of completely anonymous lips.

Plastic affection, just like the intention in grabbing the attention.

That's all this dirty underground hole promised.

That's all the rest of the evening – and the rest of his life now promised.

Why was he here? Why was he even wasting his time with the attempts for human interaction? Why?

That was still unclear.

He was simply letting the tentacles of instinct drag him along until he regained a fraction of consciousness.

_  
Give me a shot to remember  
And you can take all the pain away from me _

_A kiss and I will surrender  
The sharpest lives are the deadliest to lead _

A nudge from his left elbow snapped him out of his renewed conscious reverie, now standing in the shadowed corner, blank eyes giving the impression of taking interest in the crowd.

He cocked his head to glace at the intruder, his features sunken deep in the hood of his jacket.

"What?"

"…you look like you could use more then those bottles y've been chuggin' all night long, pal." The man chuckled in a surprisingly deep voice, pulling his gloved hands out of the deep pockets of the black hoodie, revealing his stash, well-protected from the prying eyes of the potential authority, and the possibility of confiscation.

Envy cocked an eyebrow, blinking, trying to get the lazy sheen of the cylinders and the labels of the packets into focus – s well of what the other was trying to offer in his extremely fragile attention.

"…what the fuck's that?" he grunted, causing the other to laugh quietly and –after looking around one last time – although the faces and poses of the ones surrounding them was a dead giveaway that they were either too occupied by their lovely counterparts to care the slightest what they were doing, or were engaged in rather similar hazy activities – before pressing a small packet in the immortal's limp hands with a wink.

"Try that, mate. Beats everythin'. And if you want more, just fin' me."

Before the other could question the disguised man's motives – or whether he intended on keeping his reproductive organs – hell, his damn_ head_ - the dealer had already been swallowed up by the monstrous jaws of the crowd, yearning for him and the small packets he wielded.

With slow, precise yet robotic movements, Envy slid the ridged edges of the re-sealable packet apart, frown deepening in realization as his nose caught a whiff of its content.

_So this is the extreme to what humans go when destroying their conscious self…?_ he observed with just a hint of cynicism, one finger dipping into the dirty ebony crumbs, bringing it up to his nose. Resisting the urge to sneeze at the over-stimulation of his developed senses, he slowly inhaled the substance, eyes slipping shut.

As the powder began to mingle with his alcohol-ridden bloodstream, the sin's body buckled backwards to slump against the wall, head rolling back an angle with a satisfied snarl, teeth bared towards the ceiling, reflecting the whites of his eyes.

His hand dipped back into the bag smoothly, gathering another small dose, his maddened growling growing more ferocious and insanely desperate with every intoxicated inhaling.

He was playing with death.

Once again.

There he was again, embracing him with familiarity, shifting shape once again.

Even though they have met on so many occasions, none of them easily forgotten, it still managed to fool the sin to fall for its uncountable disguises.

Yet another ironic feature of his existence – a shape-shifter, doomed to cut fall for the skin-deep disguises of destiny.

He has chosen a particularly intriguing one this time, he had to admit.

A heroin-laced kiss pressed on his cold lips, sinewy arms of psychological seduction wrapped tight around his conscience, his inner thoughts being coaxed to fall apart under her burning touch. Like the poppy flower that was her cradle, she too is covered with silken sheen, crimson lethalness.

With the frenzied loathing the infiltrated body holds, she doesn't need to put any particular effort into her ministrations.

_This is what living life in the knife edge does to you…_ he manages to growl internally before snarling again, another wave of artificial euphoria tearing through his fragile nerves, flooding him completely.

Surrendering to her urge to just simply let go.

Surrendering to the chance to grab the fragile, waxed feathers of pleasure for the small moment of freedom before the unmerciful rise of the Sun will burn the feathers and allow him to crash to the ground.

_A light to burn all the empires  
So bright the sun is ashamed to rise and be  
In love with all of these vampires  
So you can leave like the sane abandoned me  
_

He wasn't really sure what gave him the final push for the events that followed afterwards.

Perhaps the blame was on the dealer, whose smouldering corpse was discovered the following morning by the horrified forensics, and the stricken military officials, frustrated they didn't find him first.

Perhaps the blame was on the bartender, who didn't refuse the sin his twenty-fourth drink.

Perhaps the entire blame and the responsibility rests on the shoulders of a petite, raven-haired girl, one who the officials labelled as the devil mistress and leader of the damned, created alchemical abomination cult.

Speculations, however, were the last thing on the crowd's mind, their voices all joined in a united screech of horror as they attempted to escape from the burning building.

Trampling over each other like frightened cattle, each individual pushed and shove at the ones surrounding them, panic and the growing heat consuming them rapidly.

Like a colony of rats, swarming from the flooding, infested sewers, the crowd spilled onto the streets, people spilling onto the sidewalks as their feet and minds gave away to their severe abuse just minutes ago. Wheezing, catching their breath – just to begin scream once again as they caught sight of the blazing orchestra of hell just a few metres behind them.

Dozens of names, swallowed by the choking smoke, supporting hands and heeding calls grabbed and dragged to safety – or crushed under careless, maniacal escape attempts.

And in the midst of the roaring inferno stood a solitary figure, in the midst of brilliant orange flames, smouldering hair fluttering in the heat.

Bony arms reached for the suffocating sky, dilated pupils contracting a fraction as the flesh was hungrily burnt away, peeling away to reveal the glistening surface of the bones. Long green tresses smouldered, glowing with red-hot ferocity, as if frustrated by the fact all the figure did was laugh.

Victorious smugness met harsh bitterness, drugged eyes shining with simple, meaningless joy, curved fangs bared towards the moon, features unflinching as the flames continued to devour at his freshly regenerated flesh and ragged attire.

A mocking to the masses now fleeing their sanctuary, ablaze with the alcoholic, pyrokinetic fury.

An offering to all the bloodsuckers and sadistic scum Envy knew lurked around Central, and knew were now observing the scenario with mixed feelings, saliva dripping with anticipation.

A personal gesture of utter loathing, as his foot connected with the sinewy, half-burnt joints of the dying male's neck, smirk deepening as he felt the cool kiss of blood on his legs, foot gliding to its destination smoothly, tearing through mutilated flesh and bone almost effortlessly, with almost illegal satisfaction.

Burning amethyst eyes searched the choking sky, bloodstained hands clenching as he glared at the slowly fading stars almost challengingly – before his accusing gaze whipped to the swarming crowd.

"Run, you useless motherfucking bastards!" he hollered, hate choking his voice ever so slightly, nails digging deep grooves into his palms, mutilated face with its charred, half-recovered flesh with only his murderously gleaming visible. _"Run before I get you and drag you back in the flames myself!_

But, disturbingly enough, the sadistic pleasure and the searing teeth of the flames did little to quench the small observation that he was once again being left on his own.

Standing solitary among the flames, the banisters crashing down around him as they surrendered to the monstrous appetite of the blaze.

Abandoned in a nest of dying corpses and charred bodies.

Alone.

Again.

The poppy lady soothed him, a small, light yet urging kiss on his temple, taking his hand and dragging him away from the collapsing charade, rephrasing into his previous form, burnt flesh slowly growing back onto his immortal figure, his bloodied footsteps slowly fading into the darkness of a littered side-alley, void pupils fixed ahead, dulled ears not hearing any of the terrified screams as the building fell to the ground.

_  
There's a place in the dark where the animals go  
You can take off your skin in the cannibal glow_

_Juliet loves the beat and the lust it commands  
Drop the dagger and lather the blood on your hands, Romeo_

Although his instinct had suggested nothing short of catastrophically insane lately, Envy had no other silence to turn to when asking for advice – or to lean on to guide his body when his mind couldn't perform accurately enough to take care of said task.

Which was the explanation he could offer when his feet suddenly halted, head snapping upwards to catch sight of a blurred outline of a lampion.

Dirtied and torn by the fury of yesterday's storm, melted wax smearing the printed floral designs, the sole source of light swayed unsteadily in the breeze, illuminating fractions of his surroundings for a few seconds – but it was enough for the sin to be able to locate it.

Attempting to clear his eyesight, he stepped forwards, dried branches cracking under his bare feet, the stinging of the rough thorns barely registering to the his drugged nervous system, still held embraced and lined by the poppy lady.

Fingers brushed against the rough bark of the oak tree, sliding down until they met five parallel groves, an inch deep into the gnarled substance of the tree. Nails gently scraped along them, reaching down to rub against the edges of the holes adorning the waist of the trunk.

The Homunculus smirked with sour familiarity and nostalgia, withdrawing his hands and resting his forehead against the aged bark.

He knew this place all too well.

Lust called it his 'hot-headed corner' – one far away from the heart of the city, surrounded by a thin fringe of ancient trees.

A little place where Envy often came to blow off steam and drive his frustrations and often uncontrollable anger down on immobile objects who offered some resistance and whose deaths or mutilations wouldn't result in moral issues and clashed with the law.

Also, trees wouldn't squawk and complain like some pathetic ways of murderous stress relief he could mention.

That particular tree suffered quite a lot of blows from the enraged sin – yet it remained standing strong and proud, bearing its deep scars and welcoming back the sin with honest and upheld pride.

Just like a certain alchemist, whose pride sometimes challenged to exceed the sin's own…

A fist slammed down into the bark, right next to the older groove, teeth gritted.

Damn it. _Damn it_ all to hell.

Why was everything reminding him of that damned blonde? He was _dead_. History. Gone forever.

…by his hands…

He raised his hands to his face slowly, the lampion casting an unhealthy, sickly yellow glow to them, blood and bits of skin clinging to his nails. For a second, they held absolutely no familiarity at all.

Amethyst eyes brooded over their murderous outlines - before his fangs sunk into the fleshy part of his thumb.

Ferociously growling, he began to rip mouthfuls of flesh away, eyes wide with loathing as he chewed the soft tissue with renewed venom, not stopping when he felt his teeth chip on the surface of his bones, arm already drenched in blood.

He didn't slow down when he felt his knees shaking from the self-inflicted agony, his hand little more then a bloody mess of flesh and crunched bone, stumps of his fingers gleaming with glistening gory glory.

However, when he felt the chipped edge of his nails scratch the inside of his mouth, the Homunculus snapped out of his trance.

With strangled realization, he lurched forwards, shoulders heaving as the content of his stomach was unceremoniously vomited out at the roots of the tree.

Clutching his stomach with his mutilated hands, Envy flinched as he slumped forwards, forehead painfully colliding with the hardened bark, the tremors spreading throughout his body as he heaved up the alcohol consumed before, the acidic aftertaste burning his throat and tongue viciously, making his gagging even worse.

Bleary eyes stared ahead, as empty and as helpless as the glass orbs of a porcelain doll. A tongue slowly darted out to clean his stained lips, the searing agony gradually fading to a dull, pulsating ache as his body dutifully began to repair his hand, bones regenerating, nerves and tissue knitting themselves back together.

Envy raised the offending limb, watching as the first layer of skin began to creep up his wrist – and wondered whether any of the heroes in those olden novels ever had to wash their hands of their heroines' blood.

He could swear that golden speck in the dark was mocking him, its smooth, graceful movements cutting through the darkness like a sharpened blade.

It circled around the lampion, delicate wings fluttering with excitement at the sudden, unexpected warmth.

Envy could only smile wryly when its enthusiasm melted into frenzied horror as the papery appendages caught fire, the blaze consuming the fragile creature within seconds.

Its tiny drops of amber blood, trickling and evaporating with a foul-smelling hiss were just as mocking.

With rigid movements, he pushed himself to his feet, fingers brushing against the bark again, almost welcoming the rush of pain as he tore up his new skin, blood warm on his fingertips.

Hand bloodstained, once again.

With a soft sigh, Envy raised his head, diluted pupils boring into the faint outline of the moon, stomach giving another nauseous lurch, despite the soothing caress of his mind from the crimson intoxication.

_Would those books have sold as much if Romeo was ordered to kill Juliet by his family…?_ he blearily questioned before shaking his head.

_But of course. The more drama, the more suffering…the happier they are_.

_Is this why you fuckers have decided to weave and direct things this way?_

_Sheer craving for sick amusement?_

_Or you just want to show me just how much it hurts to fall?_

His hand curled into a fist, save for one finger. He raised it high above his head towards the pearly globe, lips pulled into a snarl before he disappeared into the shadows again.

The wind picked up pace, making the lampion's movements turn wildly frenzied at the aura of unease left behind

_  
I've really been on a bender and it shows  
So why don't you blow me a kiss before she goes?  
_

Half past four.

_I know Envy-san's not the most punctual person, but this…it's worrying, even for him_, the chestnut-haired Homunculus mused to herself, letting the papers dangle from her fingers onto the table.

Growing more concerned about Lust's wellbeing, Sloth considered going outside to make a phone-call to inquire Dante about Envy's whereabouts - when the front door slammed open, the roar of the rain previously muffled by the thick walls and window cutting through the slumbered silence of the room abruptly.

Sloth raised her head, both tense and expectant, flinching when she heard muffled swearing and a series of thuds, accompanied by crashing of china.

…_Dante-sama's vase…_ she noted with a grim smile, setting the remaining documents aside and cautiously standing, slowly walking over to the doorway, hands extended, tips of the water tentacles already glowing under her sleeves. Past experience was screaming for a weapon, as she didn't fancy going out in the corridors wielding the poker from the fireplace.

…it was so…cliché. And the mess it left was really quite revolting.

Unlike most of her siblings, especially Gluttony, she couldn't quite stomach the mess rough killing bought. Which was why she was so grateful the clean, conventional methods her water powers allowed her.

Arms raised, she stepped outside to the corridor – to come face to face with a hunched, dripping figure, gripping the doorframe in attempt to stay upright.

His harsh breathing echoed through the corridor, as well as his soft growl, mixed with a snicker upon noticing Sloth's presence.

The youngest homunculus frowned, lowering her arms by a fraction. "…Envy-san…?" she voiced her suspicions aloud.

"…who do y'ah fucking think?" the figure answered, chuckling darkly.

_Oh._

_Suspicions confirmed. _

Sloth heaved a dignified sigh of relief, lowering her arms, letting the aquamarine strands of her fabricated defence fade away into the darkness.

"Welcome back. Lust was worried about you." She smiled softly, moving forwards to close the door, wrinkling her nose as the sudden stench hit her as she moved closer to Envy.

_Alcohol. _

Filth.

Sleaziness.

Choking fumes and smoke.

Drugs.

_Depression._

It practically radiated off the other's being, halting the water-wielder in her steps, eyes wide at the unexpected intensity of wretchedness reeking from the sin's person.

"…E…Envy-san?" she managed to croak out, her voice struggling to remain dignified. "W…where have you b…been?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" was the green-haired sin's sultry reply, words oiled and slightly slurred by his maliciousness. He took a step forwards, swaying slightly in his step, half-lidded amethyst eyes challenging the other's startled ones to make a comment.

_  
Give me a shot to remember  
And you can take all the pain away from me  
A kiss and I will surrender  
The sharpest lives are the deadliest to lead_

Sloth swallowed, every nerve screaming to turn and alert Lust to her brother's presence – she knew how to handle him, she knew him better then all of them did…she would stop the ticking time bomb before it was too late to detonate the disaster in the making…

Closing her eyes, she strained her nerves to relax, and when she opened her eyes again, steeled, emotions barricaded. She coughed and strode past the other, shivering involuntarily as their bodies brushed, bad premonition and distress clinging insistently to his skin. With some effort, she pushed the heavy wooden door back in its frame, shutting the storm and its rage outside.

"You should probably go and s-" she began, turning around, words dying in her throat when Envy's face loomed before hers, mere inch away, the smell of neglect and abuse hitting her with the ferocity of a gunshot. She backed into the door, eyes widening as he grabbed her by the shoulders, his usual smirk tainted with maddened fever.

"E-envy-san!" she choked out, hand shooting out to push at his chest. "W-"

"What's wrong, Sloth?" he purred, nails digging into her skin before he pulled her forwards forcefully, crashing their lips together.

There was no motive behind his action, as well as no feelings.

He had no control over them anymore, ensnared in the crimson lady's vines of intoxication.

The green-haired male released her a second later, pushing at her thin frame violently, sending her sprawling across the hallway carpet, eyes wide, hand over her mouth. She immediately rolled on her knees, coughing violently, lungs burning for oxygen, the vile taste making her cringe and gag.

Envy made a disgruntled noise, strolling past her with a soft snort of contempt.

"Snobby, vain bitch." He snarled quietly, chin raised high. "Snobby, vain, worthless sluts, the lot of you."

The thick carpet muffling his unmasked footsteps, he soon disappeared out of view.

His blank eyes were now masked over by a fine web of red capillaries, void pupils attempting to swallow the darkness and all its shadowed corners one could hide in.

He didn't need to sight to get to where he was going.

If he was going to be torn from the sweet embrace of the crimson lady, there was only one place he wished to be where hell crashed into his dimension and incinerated the immortal's being.

_A light to burn all the empires  
So bright the sun is ashamed to rise and be  
In love with all of these vampires  
So you can leave like the sane abandoned me  
_

Trembling, one hand still clamped over her mouth, Sloth slowly sat up, eyes staring on the spot where her brother had been standing just a few seconds ago, her mind whirling in a vast vortex of utter confusion.

What the bloody _hell_ just happened?

Why was he acting so…so…alarmingly? Was it to do with his mission? Or had they did something to him?

_For the sake of the Gate, what was going on?!_

One thing was sure though. There was only one thing playing through the female's head as she shakily pushed her lithe body to her feet, gripping the nearby doorframe for support, eyes still fixed on that one spot.

Envy had gotten himself into something dangerous. And not just dangerous…something that shook even the ever-composed and stoic…_unshakable_ Homunculus to his core. And as a result, he was attempting to block the events out with actions that threaten to destroy himself and everyone around him – and was very nearly succeeding.

Sloth swallowed again, mouth dry. She hesitated a second more before whirling around and making her way to her elder sister's room as fast as she could in her high heels.

_Lust needs to know about this. And Darkness grant she can help him before it's too late. _

TBC…

_Reviews and feedback are much, much appreciated. C:_


	4. How To Save A Life

A.N. – Well.

What does one say when finding themselves in my situation – with a story not updated for over a year, and at nearly eleven in the evening with school the next day and about a minute left until curfew?

I honestly have no fancy words, or excuses. Rather, just that life, like it did to Edward, had decided to give me a crash course and slap me right in the face.

Well, perhaps nothing so drastic. But in between chapter 3 and this chapter, I have definitely changed, both as a person and a writer.

I have really thought about this story and where I wanted to take it – exactly what I wished to convey with it. And I think now I will be able to give it the style and message it deserves.

On that note – perhaps this is a story primarily about love. Love, in all its power, bittersweetness and pain. Because yes, love, even the most pure (especially the most pure), is painful. And it comes in so many different forms.

It's also a story about sacrifice and life – just how precious and complex it is. And how no matter what happens, you need to carry on. You cannot stop living – not even when the foundations have been knocked out from under you and all you feel like is lying on the floor and waiting for someone else to pick you up for a change.

On that bit of emotional rambling aside, I cannot express how much your reviews have helped me. I thank everyone who has read, favourited, watched and reviewed this story. Thank you. Thank you so much to all of you. And I am sorry for the enormous delay. If you will still continue to read and review this story, you would make this sleep-deprived student so, so happy.

I /will/ be re-editing past chapters to get rid of the horrible HTML-induced messiness, and setting out a new layout to properly reply to reviews and such.

Roy's POV this time. He was a surprisingly interesting character to write – hard to get into, but hard to stop writing. C: I do enjoy the polite, quirky snarkiness he has…I do hope I did him justice.

Anyhow, I really hope you enjoy.

-

_**Disclaimer:**__ Characters don't belong to me. FullMetal Alchemist belongs to Hiromu Arakawa. _

_**Lyrics:**__ How to Save a Life – The Fray_

_**Warning:**__ Mild gore, references to yaoi/shonen ai (love between men), mentions of character death._

-

Part 4

How To Save a Life

-

Although it was not a feature he loved advertising about himself - he would much rather it was his _extremely_ favourable features or his high, much envied rank that resulted in the deep and lasting impression on people – Roy Mustang did in fact have a nerve of steel and aim that was deathly precise when the situation bought the need for one.

Of course, it hadn't always been like this.

He could still recall the shock and stifling nausea strangling his throat after the very first man fell dead on the pavement under his gun, when he saw the scorched, mutilated skin of his challenger…

He could also recall the slap he had gotten from his Officer when he tried worming his way out of his duties.

It had sent him sprawling across the floor, skull making a painful contact with the shoddy wooden walls of the cabin their victims previously sought refuge in, pride shattering to join the remains of his composure across the floor.

A soldier, he was reminded rather crudely, does not join the ranks, pledge himself to the duties his government and country requires him to do then change his mind when things get rough and the procedures threatening to cross the occasional moral boundary.

Notice how the government was the primary focus of the sentence there. The needs of the country and its people are merely lagging behind, assumed to desire the very same purposes.

One didn't need to be a military genius to recognize the deep-rooted hypocrisy there.

But one's democratic and reasonable voice was crushed just like a fine crystal figurine under a sturdy boot – or, like Roy Mustang's pride that very day.

It never takes long for one universal truth to shine through to every individual's life, human or animal - _life was unfair_.

Innocents perish while the sinners prosper without punishment. Chances are fragile; decisions are often without leverage and balance on the brink of bad and worse. However pure your intentions may be, you are prosecuted and hated all your existence because the path that grants you a fraction of your ambitions is unclean.

An eye for an eye. To gain or attain anything, something of equal value must be sacrificed.

But his military training had tainted even the fundamentals of precious alchemy.

For it was not possible that the peace they fought for required so, oh-so many sacrifices and blood.

Sinners and the fanatics were one thing. But doctors, infants and…and…

However, it was useless to weep. If one wanted to remain with a living, beating heart and any scrap of hope for a proper future, beyond the charred black skies of chaos, one abandons these old set principles for new ones, written in blackened blood and stamped with an official seal of the officials.

It had been a long and brutally challenging process.

But he had mastered the arts of alchemy, bent the wild will and path of fire to his own wish and advantage.

And successfully destroyed a piece of himself along the way.

Well. That had been a regret.

One of many, many regrets, their memories like ashes scattered along the wind of the winding road of life.

Sometimes, in his wry little moments, he imagined the grass beside the road to be caked with this metaphoric soot, the once acid green plants dying and suffocating under their weight.

And to think that he was only in the first few bends of his life…

He was, after all, a soldier.

Or, his much popular nickname amongst the majority, _the dog of the government._

One with a golden collar and a proud stance, groomed coat stained with mud while its paws dripped with blood of the Government's enemies.

It was a funny thing that he should be contemplating on such matters. Hell, contemplation wasn't exactly an area where his mind sought solace when not otherwise occupied.

However, it wasn't an everyday occurrence that he should be sitting in the Central Hospital's corridor, waiting for the doctor's analysis and a little message telling him his subordinate was still alive.

_Step one, you say we need to talk  
He walks, you say sit down, it's just a talk_

Tick. Tock.

Whoever was entrusted with the interior designing of the hospital waiting area and the corridors was clearly unaware of the mental and emotional status of the distressed who were forced into suppressing their anguish and wait in a civilized manner for the white clad officials to either relieve them or deliver the final blow.

Tick. Tock.

The pale green tiles, reminding him of infesting mould were one thing. The vile orange plastic chairs were yet another, striking contrast breaking every artistic rule known to educated man and ensuring permanent damage to one's retinas.

Not to mention the air conditioners, on full blast, and the ever-present, lingering stench of disinfectant.

Fifty-nine.

Tick. Tock.

Then there was that damned clock with its infuriating red frame and cold, precise numbers reminding him that it had only been fifty-five seconds since he last glanced at it for confirmation.

And that annoying, ever-present ticking, almost thundering through the silence of the empty corridors…

Fifty-eight.

Tick. Tock. Tick…

…_tock. Tick. Tock…_

_Knock. Knock._

"Enter."

The door creaked open, a pair of cautious amber eyes surveying the scene before slipping inside the room, leaning against the heavy mahogany and allowing it to close behind him.

The black haired officer glanced up from his work, surprised at the subtlety of the blonde's entrance. Usually, when Fullmetal was summoned to his office out of schedule, it was accompanied with loud door slamming, vivid and loud exclamations on 'interrupting precious research time' and 'what do you want inow/i, I already gave you the report, did I not?'

Now, a mere cautious and slightly curious glance, shuffling and a strange patience, waiting for the Colonel to speak.

Miracles indeed do happen.

Let's just hope they continue to do so.

"Ah. Fullmetal. Come, sit down." He motioned to the chair opposite him, laying his pen down on the half finished report.

Edward nodded, moving to take the seat, one gloved hand moving down to idly fiddle with the thick chain keeping his pocket watch attached to his being.

"…so…you wanted to see me because…?" he posed the inevitable question of a pause of quiet waiting and observance. "The report of the costs isn't due in until after tomorrow, and I can't stay around for tea because I promised Alphonse we'd-"

"It's not any neglected duties – at least, not just yet." Mustang suppressed a smile when he saw the other scowl, strange composure breaking just a bit.

"So you're just here to waste my time an- and seriously, Colonel, if you mention tea one more time-"

"Calm down, Edward. And I do promise you, your consistent efforts for pleading for a more alcoholic beverage will be satisfied once you're legal and of a much more convincing height."

More spluttering of the very indignant kind, a familiar infuriation slowly working its way through Edward's features, Mustang already hearing the cogs in his brain turning and clicking, selecting one of the numerous 'I AM NOT SHORT YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE OF AN OBSERVATIONIST!' soundtracks to unleash on the smiling Colonel.

As much of a reassurance it was to see a more familiar face of the blonde alchemist, it could always be saved for another time.

Intervention.

"It's more of a…well, personal matter, I suppose, for you, Edward."

_  
He smiles politely back at you,  
You stare politely right on through.  
_

The well-oiled process stopped immediately, Edward's expression changing quickly from furious to confused, frowning as he slowly sat back down in his chair.

"…personal…?"

_Yes. Indeed. Why he would wish to discuss personal matters when…what was that word Lieutenant Hawkeye used…'heart-to-heart chats'…no…that phrase was much too feminine for the Lieutenant to use on a regular basis…_

_Yes, thank you, Lord, for granting us the unbreachable sanctuary of the mind…saving us from a few moments of hesitation and patheticness in front of our peers…_

_We also thank you for creating such a malleable language we can all contribute to and on many occasions, abuse…_

"Yes." He nodded, weaving his fingers together and resting his chin on top, expression turning for the more serious.

"Some things in your recent behaviour and routine has come to catch the attention of many of your superiors, Lieutenant Hawkeye and me included. We're all…concerned, that's all."

Interesting way of phrasing things.

Suddenly, Mustang was overwhelmingly thankful he had no children of his own.

Then again, it might have made things easier…

"…I don't follow you, Colonel."

He was snapped out f his reverie, glancing back at Edward's face. Once again carefully composed, the blonde alchemist allowed himself a small, confused expression, hands neatly folded in his lap.

Oh, quick little bastard. He knew how to play this all too well.

But he needed answers, for everyone's sake.

_Mustang, get a hold of yourself. It's probably nothing serious, anyhow. Completely ordinary for boys his age…_

There was logic. And then there was instinct.

_Some sort of window to your right  
As he goes left and you stay right  
Between the lines of fear and blame  
You begin to wonder why you came  
_

He recalled sunlight.

Yes, there was the faint, yellow sunlight of the late autumn morning streaming through the cracked, recently cleaned glass, easily breaching the solid barrier.

The same ease he longed to breach through the carefully composed steel barrier of the young alchemist.

Oh, oh, oh. The irony, the irony…

But there really was no point in dancing about the matter – nor time for unnecessary verbal intricacies. This was Edward -iEdward/i of all people – his subordinate – no oil slicked politician sitting on his throne of false lies and powerful arms.

And there was the inevitable crossroad of uncertainty again –

Which one was truly more difficult to deal with?

His own 'throne' was starting to feel uncomfortably heated too.

"Edward, why have you been leaving your quarters so long after curfew on a regular basis?"

There it was – the question they'd all been wondering about out in the open.

Tick-

_  
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life  
_

-Tock. Tick. Tock.

Forty-seven.

Stifling another sigh, tired black eyes traced the small plastic hand of the time-measuring device before dropping, allowing himself the luxury of momentary pitch black vision.

If only it was possible to close one's inner eye too…and to put a chokehold on the tirade of thoughts.

Unwanted…yet strangely craving the situation to be allowed to think of them.

Them…

_Hughes, you always knew how to deal with him. How to tell him what to do to keep him from straying too far out of the line. _

_Oh, you idiot, if only you could have taken your own advice…_

Another sigh, another bleary blink at the infuriatingly blank tiles.

_Hughes, what would you do…?_

Would he advise honesty, as he did so many times in his little surprise trips into his office, brandishing a new (but startlingly similar to the previous) photograph of his daughter, then staying for a quick chat?

"_Y'can't expect them to be any different, Roy. Kids will be kids. Then again, my darling Elicia's the most adorable little one of them all…so bright and quick-witted…"_

"…_Hughes…"_

"_Yeah, yeah, give a guy a break there, Roy. Anyhow, Ed's easier to handle if you just let him go after his own head. Don't go around restricting him – let the boy live a little." _

"_Christ, Hughes, I'm his commanding officer, not his foster father! There's no damned leniency in the military – they have much more of it as it is!"_

"_Hehe, I have no doubt of you being able to maintain your position as the egoistic careerist of the faction, Roy."_

"_Don't you have work to do?!"_

Heh…how long ago was that conversation?

Quite long. His hesitation felt alien.

Such a different kind of hesitation…

Would there be time to be honest now?

_My heart isn't made of incinerating flames, knowing nothing of the weaknesses that plague the mind and soul all-too-easily – just like your heart isn't made fully of metal, Edward._

_We'd both like to think we're akin to the names the world knows us by._

_Identifies us by._

…_ultimately, we'd like think that the images created of us by the public…the images and personalities that they accuse us of…_

…_the heartless explorers and carefree murders of infinite power and resources…_

…_that they really are us._

_When in fact, all we are is misfortunate humans, wrestling with an inhumane ability we haven't mastered or understood yet – filling our hearts with so many hopes, yet slipping through our fingers…_

_As if we stole the spark of creation from God, and as a punishment, he ultimately let us keep it, unconsciously making us pay the price for possessing it every damned second._

Metal can be smelted and moulded to its conqueror's wish when possessing the means to raise the temperature and loosen the firm bonds until the once indestructible matter is soft and melting in its hands.

A blazing inferno can be quenched in the absence of flammable material – or precious oxygen.

One his lungs mysteriously seemed to be running out of in an inexplicably past pace.

Suffocating building this was.

Reeking of death and foreboding under the name of healing and new life.

Hughes_…why did you leave me?_

_And what in the name of the forbidden would you do now?_

Forty-five.

Tick. Tock. Tick-

_  
Let him know that you know best  
Cause after all, you do know best  
_

_Tock. _Tock. Tick. Tock.

An eternity seemed to tick by before Edward made a sound in the back of his throat (later which he identified as a crossover between an ant being squished and an indignant cat).

"I'm s-_what?"_

_Indeed. It needs to spelt out then._

"For the past months, you have regularly left the building after curfew. Guaranteed I know it's not a particularly tight or life-threateningly serious-", he paused to exhale the breath he'd been holding slowly before resting his chin on top of his hands again.

"However, it couldn't escape our attention – and curiosity, I feel inclined to add – of the hours you'd been coming home at, and the entrances you chose to re-enter the building. I have to praise you on the kitchen door, which must have been hard to pull off. But, redirecting this inquiry to its original purpose –", and politely inquisitive ebony met wide amber – "could you enlighten me on to what you were doing?"

Mustang had to praise Edward's reaction time and quick decision making once again – it was only for a split second that his face – and eyes especially – spelt out 'Fuck, busted' before it was rearranged into slight annoyance and incoherency.

"That's got to be the most ridiculous story I've heard in a long time – and that includes some of the ones the conmen try to stuff down my throat on our travels." He scoffed, leaning back in his seat, eyes now narrowed.

_Try to slip past his defence  
Without granting innocence  
_

Rigid posture, straight spine (for once), arms crossed and drawn close to the body, eyes narrowed, mouth in a tight line.

_Your body language gives you away entirely, FullMetal._

It seemed as if the cautious and what he deemed as his safest tactic was not working. Edward had his defences pulled up much – perhaps he should have phrased his initial words with much more care.

Then again, it seemed the young alchemist had been on edge ever since entering his office – like an undercover spy, suspecting he is walking into a trap – straight into the claws of the enemy, disguise and façade just as carefully crafted as his.

His worst right nightmares, every scrap of self-doubt and scenarios created by an overactive imagination coming true, efforts snapped in half within a blink of an eye.

In short, complete devastation.

Something he would rather _not_ claim credit for at the end of their conversation – as much as he was labelled…(what did Lieutenant Hawkeye always primly order him not to be? A sadist? No…ah,) malicious, shards of trust and innocence were not something he wanted scattering on his floor and on his conscience.

Not any more.

Time to try a different approach.

"Is it a girl, Edward?"

Uh. Wrongly phrased. Much too ambiguous…

"Is it _that_ girl?"

Better.

_Lay down a list of what is wrong  
The things you've told him all along  
And pray to God he hears you  
And pray to God he hears you  
_

If he thought the expression on Edward's face was priceless beforehand…

Well, it came a close second to the one currently occupying Edward's facial spectrum.

It really was a wonder the child came so far in his military career with such extensive range of facial expressions and an almost sieve-like filter between his mouth and

brain.

"_What girl?!_

"_That_ girl, Edward. You k-"

"There's no _that girl_, M-Colonel, _sir_. There's no girl – there's never been – are you going to take the start that again – I thought we were over that episode with Winry – "

Ouch.

"No, I don't mean your charming mechanic, Edward. I meant that equally charming companion of yours we hastily acquainted at the church quite a while ago."

Movements pausing in mid-motion, Edward continued gaping down at the Colonel, before his posture deflated slightly, slowly folding back into the chair.

"…oh…"

A whispered question and a whispered statement. Amber gaze downcast to his gloved hands resting in his lap. The same scenario running through both their minds simultaneously.

---

He had stumbled across them completely by accident.

He had been taking a shortcut through the decorative quarters of Central to avoid the packed roads and remote possibilities of running into any officials when a familiar shouting caught his attention.

"En-what the hell? You idiot! Get out of here, someone might see y-"

"Aawh, so ashamed of me, chibi-chan?" an unknown voice purred in reply, catching the Colonel completely off-guard.

"N-that's n-that's not the point!"

'Don't be such a prude and give me a kiss already."

Edward…having company…of the female variety?

Maybe that boy really wasn't so hopeless after all…?

The situation demanded immediate investigation – and did it bear fruitful results – in the shape of a flustered blonde State Alchemist, pushed on his back on a bench, and a startlingly beautiful young lady, leaning over him in attempt to snatch that kiss that she desired, and like she claimed, damn well desired.

Exclamations were yelled, backsides were bruised at the sudden and unfortunate reminder of the presence of gravity, rewarded with chuckles and witty, sarcastic endearments.

And with all the formalities out of the way, introductions could take place, and he could finally get the name of the mysterious female.

Albeit – it was as strange and unrevealing as every other aspect about her appearance (both outward and her sudden presence in Edward's life and Mustang's conscience).

"Invidia." She smiled coyly, battering her thick, coal lashes, "_Enchant__é__."_

(Later, he would mention it to Lt. Hawkeye and be politely informed the former was Latin, and the latter a phrase in French he really should know by now.)

"Rest assured, Miss Invidia, that the pleasure is entirely mine." Mustang returned the smile, lightly cupping her offered hand, fighting the urge to smirk at the younger Alchemist's obvious discomfort at the discovery of his well-guarded secret.

As if sensing his mounting need to be somewhere else, the girl pressed close to him, one arm snaking possessively around his waist while the other proceeded to pinch his already flushed cheek.

"Is it against protocol for a State Alchemist to have someone to be familiar with, Colonel, sir?" she cooed, ignoring Edward's startled yells and protests. "You'd think that was the case, the amount of secrecy this one is making me go through."

"…quite the contrary, Miss." Roy replied, amusement winning a clear victory over politeness as he watched Edward wriggle free of the coal-haired girl's grasp, glaring at both of them as he nursed his wounded cheek and wounded pride.

"Oh, that's good." She smiled with obvious relief, resting her cheek on the blonde's shoulder, expression one of sleepy and cherished content.

"I'll be going then. Enjoy the rest of the afternoon. And Edward, I hope to see that exclusively detailed report on my desk tomorrow morning."

A grumble and peals of amused laughter.

"Good day, Colonel. I'll be sure not to trust Edward's description of the _lovely_ people he works with anymore."

"_HEY!"_

Shaking his head, Mustang nodded once more before turning away, sneaking another glance over his shoulder at the couple, now cuddled together on the bench besides the stone fountain.

For a second, he thought he saw something strange flit over the girl's features – an alien, reptilian look flashing through dark teal eyes, a sinister sneer leaking into that coy smile…

But when he blinked – and it was gone, like a wisp of smoke distorting the clear morning air.

It was just a young male and a young female – enjoying each other's company.

Perfectly normal.

---

…perfectly normal.

He was strongly beginning to suspect _nothing_ was normal wherever this boy was concerned.

"And what of it?"

Glancing up at the rough voice, Mustang resisted the uncouth urge to shrug, occupying his hands once more with organizing the stray documents across his desk.

"So you admit to my theories being correct?"

"If you mean to say _accusations_, then, maybe. Perhaps." Edward grunted, gaze now locked back stubbornly onto the windowframe behind the Colonel. "Besides, I really still don't see how this is any of your business."

"Manners, Edward. So, care to enlighten me as to what part of the protocol, or aspect of your life has made you take such a drastic action as to have scheduled all your encounters to the dead of night?"

He thought he saw something inexplicably amused flicker across the young alchemist's features – only to be replaced by curdling bitterness – then to disappear completely, leaving only a shadow to deepen the premature creases on his face.

"None of your business."

A sigh. A firm click of metal.

"I am not going to get anywhere with polite questioning, am I?"

"No."

_But of course._

"Is it a forbidden relationship?" he ventured a little into the stubborn darkness, chin resting on his hands again. "Disagreement with your brother, perhaps?"

Again, that strange combination of amusement and bitterness, followed by defensive blankness.

"…I assume that means you have not told him about her then."

"No, Al knows about E-Invidia. Sort of." He coughed, shrugging. "He caught us in town a couple of times."

Notice the lack of actually answering his questions. Awareness did not equal support.

"I sill fail to understand why you would choose to undergo this particular course of action on such a…simple aspect of life."

The bitter smile now lingered, amber eyes glittering with sad hilarity as Edward ran a gloved hand through his hair, gaze much more distant now.

"There are many, many things in life no-one ever understands, Colonel."

Perched on the windowsill, a lone little sparrow inspected the crust he managed to salvage from a careless little boy in the park, nipping hungrily before a glossy fluttering of feathers distracted him. He cocked his head just in time to see the other bird, poised on the lower branch of the nearby tree, trilling voice a clear challenge and invitation to join him.

Tick.

"Many things we will never understand even if we…we manage to somehow live for…hundreds of years."

Tock.

And join her he did, with a loud chirrup and a sweep of mahogany wings.

"Things we aren't simply _meant _to understand."

Tick. Tock. Tick-

_  
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life  
_

iTock./i Tick. Tock.

Forty-one.

"Sir?"

"Lieutenant." He greeted her with a small nod of his hand, motioning the neighbouring (an equally cheery) plastic chair next to him – a wordless invitation to take a seat.

"I'd rather stand, sir. If that's alright."

"Sit down, Riza." He murmured, glancing up at the surprised Lieutenant with a tired smile, gesturing to the free seat next to him with excess flourish, the movements carrying their heavy sense of wryness. "I'd rather not have you flaunt your temporary advantage in height between us whenever I want to talk to you."

Corner of lips twitching with a smile – or was that a smirk? – Riza's figure dipped gracefully as she slid in the vacated seat.

Her posture, as always, was straight and aware, lips in a polite, strong line. The only visible signs of her the chaos she had stumbled upon – he thought, at least, after some jumbled contemplation - were her dishevelled hair and the faint blotches of scrubbed-away stains that covered her hands and forearms.

Such strength…always exhibited and proved, crisis after crisis. Such incredible strength…

"…you seemed quite deep in thought, sir." Hawkeye broke the silence after a short pause, hands resting in her lap, fingers loosely entwined as she fought to suppress a shiver from the chill inside the building. "I hope I didn't interrupt any important contemplation."

His own lips twitching with amusement that was both wry and bitter, Mustang raised his head enough to shoot the other a sideways look, one eyebrow raised as black met maroon.

She wasn't wearing her coat.

Oh, so that was the strangeness he couldn't place – the absence of the deep azure fabric.

But of course…it was probably inside…stained beyond use by now…

"Wasn't the previous comment meant to be some sort of suggestion that I don't think to hard in order not to damage myself, Lieutenant Hawkeye?"

"I'd never suggest anything like that, sir." Came the reply in a soft voice, accompanied by that dutiful smile, her eyes telling a completely different story.

"Directly, no, never." He agreed, another tired chuckle escaping him as he cradled his face in his palms again, closing his eyes.

Thirty-eight.

Tick. Tock. Tick-

_  
As he begins to raise his voice  
You lower yours and grant him one last choice_

_Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick-_

"…as much I would love to continue this philosophical contemplation and discursion with you, you still have failed to g-"

"Oh, be quiet already!" Edward suddenly snapped, tearing his gaze off the window and out of his reminiscing, fixing it on the startled Colonel, now blazing with anger.

"Wh-"

"Would you just lay off the topic already?!" he growled, hands bunching into fists, shoulders squaring and trembling with underlying tension. "Don't you do enough snooping around and filing every dirty little detail you can get on your subordinates already? You have all my details – you know all my secrets, ready to flick them and spread them out across the table like – like some gambler's cards whilst keeping your own close to yourself!" His words were becoming more and more heated, dark accusation and deep, disguised distress staining his angry tirade. "There's nothing – _nothing more you can get your damned, greedy hands on _– nothing! Leave it, let it off! I do your damned dirty business – what I do in my own time is my business and mine alone!"

For a split second, it was as if Edward had been infused with the graved chimera on his pocket-watch – lingering over Mustang with his fangs bared.

Furious, snarling – retreating towards the exit, muscles quivering to run and get away – to escape –

Giving his enemy a last warning of just what he was capable of.

"Edw-"

"Lay. Off. _Colonel._" The last word was spat with such icy contempt Mustang had to keep himself in check not to recoil, the iron hands of fear closing around his throat at this distorted image of Edward Elric.

Furious.

Defensive.

…terrified…?

_  
Drive until you lose the road  
Or break with the ones you've followed  
_

The image haunted him even when he had locked his office door at the end of the day – and when he had inserted the key into the ignition.

The road and city sped by his window, blurred by the thick industrialized smoke and his lack of attention for even the most mundane details of his surroundings.

He had often seen terror. Hell, with the stains over his past, he could boldly claim he has met terror, slept with the little monster in the same bed, lived with it curled inside his chest, tearing at his insides with sadistic glee.

He knew the terrors of living in a world where you thirsted to fulfil a wish, yet were struggling amongst the unpredictable currents of a life you simply could not control.

He knew it. And he had seen it plenty of times in the eyes of Edward Elric as he was slapped across the face by the many horrific barriers and 'truths' of existence – over and over again.

Yet never this kind of terror. Never this kind of unpredictability. Never this kind of loss of control.

Never.

So complex – inexplicably – simple?

Labelled by a sweet, mysterious face and the strange-ringing name Invidia?

…how silly.

Yet one can a man do when considering all logistics and be left with his mind plagued by unease?

_He will do one of two things,  
He will admit to everything  
Or he'll say he's just not the same  
And you'll begin to wonder why you came  
_

Nothing worked on gaining any more information from then on. With that final crash of the door, it was as if a rope has been cut, severing anything – everything – that could have cleared the metaphoric fog. The sitation continued – and Mustang was left feeling baffled and more and more uneasy.

Especially by the small, rare, cryptic words of _veritas _Edward whispered.

"_It's…just not the same as before. I can't say it in any other way. It's just – not the same anymore. Nothing is."_

_  
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life_

_Tock. _Tick. Tock.

Thirty-one.

"…sir?"

Cautious. Softer. Concerned.

How could she still be so composed upon being the one who pulled the blonde's bloodied – he refused to use the word 'remains', nausea curling up his throat again – body out from the streets, the one who sat with him until the hastily called ambulance arrived, grasping his chilled and bloodied hand…

Child. Such a child.

Butchered in so many ways already.

"How can you – how do you keep your composure, Luietenant?" he questioned his thoughts quietly, not making a move to look up from the cavern of his hands. "How…how do you keep your-your posture, your manner when you were the one bringing him to-"

Crumbling. Crumbling. Composure.

Crumpling, crumbling, snapping under the strain.

Shame, embarrassment, grief. Piling like the racks waiting to blaze in mournful bonfires next to his burial mound.

"One of us has to keep their composure, Colonel." Came Riza's soft reply, eyes fixed on her hands, fingers twitching rhythmically in an attempt to keep the blood circulation constant.

He did look up then to search her gaze, unsure whether to be confused or affronted at her statement.

"What d-"

"And since, in light of the current events, you are not exactly capable of said feat, the task befalls upon me."

Spoken words have possibly never cut into him with such ferocity before.

And at the same time, no hands have been warmer – and more comforting – then the hands of Riza Hawkeye sliding into his own right after she had finished speaking.

"That was by no means meant to be criticism, Colonel, sir."

All it took was a quick, disbelieving glance into crinkled maroon eyes, which, for once, matched the warmth of her hands as they bore into tired onyx.

"Have a little faith in Edward, Roy. And for the sake of all alchemy and those who depend on and trust you, have a little faith in yourself."

And somewhere, so distant, but so close, the clock on the wall kept counting the seconds.

_  
Twenty-two…_

_Twenty-three.._

_Twenty four…_

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock…

-_  
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life  
How to save a life_

_-_

_TBC._

-

Opinions and criticisms are much loved. C:


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